• @leif@beehaw.org
    link
    fedilink
    22 years ago

    In a post-covid world, I think it makes sense to add “hang out in public spaces and be open to communication”

  • sj_zero
    link
    fedilink
    12 years ago

    This guy’s philosophy, applied to a young man who is desperate enough to look for help on yotube, is a great way to become an incel. I don’t know how that would be non-toxic.

    I’m happily married today with a beautiful son, but it didn’t just happen. Throughout high school I was entirely focused on things other than women or a social life, and in college the program I took was one of the harder ones out there so I was totally focused on not flunking out, so when I finally entered the adult world, I had to teach myself everything from scratch in a strange city (since I moved for my first professional job) where I had no social circle. Lost my virginity, had fun times meeting interesting women, and eventually found the best woman in town and married her. Last year I wrote a large chapter of my book “The Graysonian Ethic: Lessons for my unborn son” on the topic of attraction because I didn’t want my son to have to struggle like I did.

    Thing is, if you’re virgin enough to need advice, odds are the whole “oh you’re just fine the way you are” schtick is probably wrong. You shouldn’t fundamentally change who you are, but odds are you need to find the ways to become your best self, and that’s going to be more than showering and talking confidently about your dwarf tossing hobby.

    Most men aren’t fine just the way they are. If they want to have what they want out of life, they’re going to have to work to improve themselves, and they’re going to have to push themselves away from the phones and computers and into social situations that make them anxious and learn how to manage that anxiety and do things that make them anxious regardless. They’re going to have to actually learn about the real-life experiences of women, as well as what women want from men.

    It’s not easy. Shower and be nice might work if you’re lucky, but if you’re planning to make your own luck then it’s not enough.

    • sj_zero
      link
      fedilink
      12 years ago

      If you want to make someone give up and just go “I guess I’m just an incel”, you tell them ugly is just an ad campaign, and that theres nothing in particular they need to do to be better and by inference that there’s nothing they can do to be better.

      Oh god, and if you want to turn someone into an incel without fail, point them at dating websites. If you want to feel insignificant and worthless, just go get ignored by a few hundred allegedly eligible bachelorettes on a few dating websites. A lot of those sites actually seed their results with fake women and that’s just the tip of the crapberg when it comes to those.

      Being well intentioned advice doesn’t mean it’s not toxic. A comfortable lie can be far more poisonous than an uncomfortable truth.