I just spent a little over 24hrs with 3 really good friends for my bestie’s 50th birthday. We had a lovely time, but I spent a lot of it wanting them to all to shut up / fuck off. I feel horrible. I have to go to work today and the thought of having to be around people again makes me want to cry. I just want to lie on the sofa and be angry on my own.
I have no idea. I know I feel like I’m having a very different experience to my three friends - maybe that’s a source of resentment that I need to deal with. Although I’m the youngest I’m the only one that’s actually hit meno, over a year ago, they’re all still peri. My sex drive and my energy levels and my appetite for life in general have just plummeted, and they can’t relate at all and don’t get it. I think I do need to work on that anger and resentment. But yes, also, this is part of the process, and this is where I’m at, and I can’t feel guilty because of it. Thank you.
You never know, they may be feeling somewhat the same way, but just don’t want to share that information. Talking about our vulnerabilities is hard and when we do, we worry about other’s perceptions…like will they think I’m depressed? a whiner? So we put our best foot forward, smile and try to be in the moment, but it’s hard. Then there’s the person who seems perfectly put together, capable and exudes confident happiness. You just never know what’s going on inside, what their fears or worries are. It’s hard to stop making comparisons.
I like to think that knowing when to take a step back, and realizing you just want to be alone at home and feel whatever emotions…could be a superpower too. Like we enjoy our own company and that is enough.