More Insights: The Urge to Argue with Boundaries that "dont make sense"

OK. This is one of my most toxic qualities and has caused serious issues, specifically with other ND people, particularly femme ones. This is NOT something I should be ok with and something I need to work on.

But I do want to talk about WHY it happens.

There are two main reasons why when someone presents me with a boundary, I might try to “argue” or “negotiate” the boundary.

The boundary doesnt make logical sense to me, so I feel that if I merely explain why it doesnt make sense to me I can argue them out of it. The fact that its a deep discomfort that doesnt have to make sense does not occure to me in the moment.
A lot of the time its not even because I’m not willing to respect the boundary, its because I want to fully understand their reasoning, so I"m trying to draw that reasoning out more through discussion. Which comes off as “arguing”.

Its also worth noting as Ive said before that boundary drawing has to be very clear with me for me to get it usually. White lies and subtle hints and stuff is completely unhelpful to me.

Ive also been in the position of thinking that the misunderstanding behind a boundary was “cleared up” and therefor thinking its ok to resume the behavior, without actually being given the go ahead to do so. And the person now feels uncomfortable drawing lines with me again because I argued last time (which is a manifestation of THEIR ND), and it just spirals.

The problematic effect this has is that it discourages the person from drawing boundaries with me again. This has led to nasty situations for me multiple times.

Rules

1.) ableist language=post or comment will probably get removed (enforced case by case, some comments will be removed and restored due to complex situations). repeated use of ableist language=banned from comm and possibly site depending on severity. properly tagged posts with CW can use them for the purposes of discussing them

2.) always assume good faith when dealing with a fellow nd comrade especially due to lack of social awareness being a common symptom of neurodivergence

2.5) right to disengage is rigidly enforced. violations will get you purged from the comm. see rule 3 for explanation on appeals

3.) no talking over nd comrades about things you haven’t personally experienced as a neurotypical chapo, you will be purged. If you’re ND it is absolutely fine to give your own perspective if it conflicts with another’s, but do so with empathy and the intention to learn about each other, not prove who’s experience is valid. Appeal process is like appealing in user union but you dm the nd comrade you talked over with your appeal (so make it a good one) and then dm the mods with screenshot proof that you resolved it. fake screenies will get you banned from the site, we will confirm with the comrade you dm’d.

3.5) everyone has their own lived experiences, and to invalidate them is to post cringe. comments will be removed on a case by case basis depending on determined level of awareness and faith

4.) Interest Policing will not be tolerated in any form. Support your comrades in their joy!

Further rules to be added/ rules to be changed based on community input

RULES NOTE: For this community more than most we understand that the clarity and understandability of these rules is very important for allowing folks to feel comfortable, to that end please don’t be afraid to be outspoken about amendments and addendums to these rules, as well as any we may have missed