Listen up fuckers, cause none of this applies to anybody on this site specifically and I’m just bitching.
I don’t have to accomodate neurotypicals who say horseshit like “I don’t want to keep a tone tag reference sheet open to have a conversation though”, that has officially stopped being a me problem. Similarly, if your response to that is “Communication is a two-way street, so a communication issue is often also a two-way thing”, that doesn’t sound like I have to accomodate YOUR misunderstanding of MY words, however you have decided to read them. If you decide even in spite of tone tags that I’m being an asshole, frankly get fucked and go decide someone else’s emotional state for them. Hell, even if I didn’t use tone tags, I shouldn’t be required to fucking defend myself from your literal spurious accusations. I’ve had enough of your disingenuous assertions.
I’m pretty understanding about misreads, just ask me what I meant instead of fucking assuming the absolute worst in people all the time, and also do not go around expecting neurodiverse people to accomodate whatever YOU read into their words all the time. Your fucking problem. It’s not their job to sort out your preconceptions and accept whatever emotions you decide for them, which was the point of what I was saying anyway. Ableist shit.
This type of thing has become pretty traumatic over the course of like ten of exactly this type of bullshit, so I don’t have the will to cause problems and fight about it but I’m also not willing to constantly cede ground for free to neurotypical expectations.
As a neurodivergent people who assumes the negative of what people are saying a lot, @ashinadash@hexbear.net is correct. Neurotypical people as a whole simply assume actual intent to be hostile or malicious from other people, but since they can perceive their own intentions they act like others are insane for doing the same to them. Neurodivergent people are absolutely capable of learning toxic behaviors like this, but more often than not the fact that we many of us don’t “read more into” what people say or do prevents us from doing the blaming/assuming part, unless we’ve managed to associate a non-obvious behavior with hostility or something else through personal experience (aka conditioning, like learning to associate someone smiling with anger because you’ve experienced someone who always flips out after they smile).
That behaviour from neurotypicals often comes across as sanctimonious “how could you do this to me, I’m just a smol bean!!!” type shit as they accuse you of being the son of Mussolini. It also means they cannot imagine that you genuinely aren’t assuming ill intent in people, it’s bizarre. They end up projecting their own hostility onto you.
It’s weird because my response when I catch a “vibe” is to enter a defensive mode. I don’t understand what causes people to want to make the situation worse when they detect stuff like that? Like I understand if you don’t like leaving things unconfronted, but if the anger isn’t even really real yet then it’s weird to bring it into existence on purpose (unless it’s because you’re offended or genuinely hurt or something ofc)
Me either, NTs just adore attacking people I guess! /s More seriously, I think they do genuinely get offended and hurt by… things they project onto us.