I know it’s a at best a useless mindset, as nothing will make me somehow magically get a new chance at those years. But it’s still a strong feeling and it’s still there.
I’m doing my best to push through it, I’m out there talking to people, but there’s usually a point where we are sharing personal anecdotes and I just feel my stomach tightening, as I barely have any of those. I have no experiences which means I have no identity which means I am uninteresting.
Holy shit, this post is gold. I need to internalise this, I need to internalise this, I need to internalise this, I need to internalise this…
To add something a bit more constructive: I always feel deeply sad about the stories where “they never learned,” probably because it’s so relatable. What a tragedy to go so long and never figure it out. I want to learn, I want to change, I want to be better.
Yeah, it really drives home the fact that lesson is one we all struggle to internalize. Most of us will never know what we mean to other people, especially when it’s so hard to see the good parts of ourselves. The lil tree shows us that by acting just as we do, and the writer leaves it to the reader to see what they missed. It was probably the first story i had read that was like that so was powerful for young me.
Not powerful enough to internalize it tho lol even after all this time.
I thought of an example that shows i’m still working. My uncle suggested recently i come to a gathering of mixed family and friends. I said (i love my self deprecation) “i dunno i don’t think I’d have anything to bring to the table” and he looked at me like i was an idiot replying “yes, cuz that’s why i asked you to come”
It took me a long time to get that i don’t have to bring anything but myself, or said a different way, that it was my company itself he wanted. That that was enough. and i still kinda don’t get why that would be. That idea that is possible still surprises me when I’m presented with it every time.