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berrytopylus [she/her,they/them]@hexbear.net
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1 year ago
Pretty easy to go on dating sites rn and see things like “no darkies” or other wording that makes it clear they don’t date any minority so it’s not just Asian guys.

menby@hexbear.net

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A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.

Detoxing masculinity since 1990!

You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.

Guidelines:

Questions over blame
Humility over pride
Wisdom over dogma
Actions over image

Rules (expansions on the guidelines):

Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
- Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
- If you see good-faith behavior that’s toxic, do your best to explain why it’s toxic.
- If you don’t have the energy to engage, report and move on.
- This includes past mistakes. If you’ve overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we’d love to know how.
- A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
- Examples:
  - “This is reactionary. Here’s why.”
  - “I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}”
  - “I don’t understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}”
You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
- Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
- If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
- If you can’t engage self-critically, delete your post.
- If you don’t know how to phrase why it’s unfair, say so.
No singular masculine ideal.
- This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like “courage” or “integrity” as “manly”.
- Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
- Don’t reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
- This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
No lifestyle content.
- Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
- Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
- At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it’s reinforcing genders norms…
- If you’re not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it’s irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let’s have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.

Resources:

What is toxic masculinity?

*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

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It really do be tough for Asian guys out there...

It really do be tough for Asian guys out there...