I’m still pretty early on in my HRT journey at just under 5 weeks of estradiol IM injections and Spironolactone.
One thing that I kind of was expecting but still took me by surprise was the depth of my emotions increasing.
I kept reading about “a larger range of emotional responses” but feeling it is a whole new world! I feel like my emotions have so much more texture and nuance that I pick up on. I can feel them shift from sadness to anger to determination to whatever so quickly and so intuitively.
Before I started E, the best way I can describe how my emotional state behaved was like these blurry blobs of feelings that were difficult to distinguish or identify. Everything swirled around me without me being able to fully experience them. Now they are a part of me and I would never go back ❤️
I stink now. Wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon (bout two and a half months low dose) Have to change my boxers more often than I used to and shower more (the horror). I smell more sour.
T made me more emotionally stable. I’m way less depressed than I used to be despite not changing much about my life. I used to wake up and the default would be sad, now I wake up and feel neutral (not in a numb antidepressant way, just in a normal way) most days. Worked way better than any antidepressant I’ve been on. Wasn’t expecting that to happen. I’ve heard people say they’re happier on T. Feels like I’m on default mode nowadays. Never felt that way before.
Occasionally I’ll have dreams of… anger? I’ll be asleep dreaming and feel angry, then when I wake up I’ll be normal again.
Also I’ve been getting more bloated after eating or drinking anything. Apparently T can increase water retention.
One thing that really wowed me was that my sense of smell changed a lot over time! Now, I can barely stand the smell of the garbage sometimes.
I’m generally more in touch with my thoughts, less quick to anger or grow irritated, and it’s easier to moderate frustration when it grows overwhelming.
Also I cry a lot more. A LOT more.
That got me too! I used to have a terrible sense of smell. Never understood why people said flowers smelled nice because I could never smell them. Few weeks into HRT and my wife gets me roses for Valentine’s Day. I could smell them through out the house 🥰
I had previously undiagnosed BPD that went buck fucking wild. Not trying to scare you, but I want you to be prepared.
I would recommend checking into your family/gene donors history for any mental illness, especially those that are more common with women (BPD, in my case) and discuss with your therapist and support network.
For transmasc, check the history of men in your family/gene donors.
realizing my mother was diagnosed with BPD and I strongly suspect both of my sisters to have it as well
If it helps, I feel like if I had seen it coming I could have mitigated most of the fallout, and I’m in a much better place now that I’m past the worst of it.
If you have any questions, I’d be happy to try to answer them~
