For a long time I have not felt belonging to either the Pro Choice or Pro Life groups and recently came across ProGrace which sets politics aside to focus on aiding the woman and meeting her needs directly both during and after her pregnancy regardless as to how she decides to proceed. This got my attention and I have since taken their training course, listened to their podcast and started some of their recommended reading to further my understanding.
In full disclosure I am a white christian male in the southeastern USA who has experienced two unplanned pregnancies myself and after learning of how terribly the church has handled their support of women, especially around unplanned pregnancy, I am looking to work with my wife to educate those within our sphere of influence to address this.
However, as mentioned above, I am a male and so naturally my experience around the issue simply does not compare to the depth of emotion and trauma that a woman would experience and so I am hoping to learn from those here who are or have experienced an unplanned pregnancy to better understand what support is needed to bring women through the traumas associated, overcome the fear and shame around the issue, and just generally help in any way I can.
I know this is a sensitive topic and so I would not ask for sharing directly in the comments here. Rather I am hoping to chat directly whether via Signal, email, etc. or even a quick call for those comfortable with that (can use Jitsi, Signal or another private voice chat to avoid needing to share any personal details). I would like to simply listen to your experience; I will not debate, judge, etc. as my goal is entirely to learn.
Thank you for taking the time to read and consider.
Wow, you’re either ok with a woman’s choice or not. I know I am not ok with this both sides bullshit centrist approach, how can you expect women to talk to you about their struggles when you come at the issue only caring about what your god tells you to do, sorry, what some rando said your god cares about? Fuck that. If you are ok with a woman getting an abortion when she is financially screwed, in an abusive or unstable relationship, carrying an unviable fetus, carrying a fetus with abnormalities, about to die, has mental or physical disabilities themselves, fetus implanted in the fallopian tubes, raped, high-risk pregnancy, too young, doesn’t want to be a mother, or any other reason then you are pro-choice. Pregnancy comes with risk of dying and permanent side effects. No woman should be forced to go through a pregnancy she doesn’t want to do.
You cannot reconcile viewing this tissue as a life that needs to be “saved” with treating women like brood mares. Especially when churches peddle bullshit like: every day doctors kill fully formed babies at birth because the mom changed her mind or women get abortions every month as birth control. This is the bullshit I’ve heard from religious people and no amount of logic will shake whatever their dumb bishop told them.
I am assuming you are in the US, in that case there are little programs available to help a woman raise a child she does not want especially if it is a red state. Adoption is not an option when it’s your body being sacrificed so some loony can adopt a baby. They do little background checks on people who foster and adopt btw, the kid grows up being abused and with mental disorders like reactive attachment disorder, I’ve personally seen it happen multiple times. It is ok to let a teenager have an abortion so she can finish high school and go to college instead of dropping out and living the rest of her life in poverty with a father she was forced to marry that she doesn’t actually know that well or without a father to support her. Mothers may go through post partum depression, it can get really bad when untreated to the point where she doesn’t care about her baby anymore and would rather just kill her kids and then herself.
You either care or you don’t care about these women. If your god cared so much about abortion, then why isn’t in your bible? Where does it say that abortion is banned after 6 weeks? 12? 22? Or altogether? A 6 week ban is a de facto ban since obgyns don’t see women that early at all, it is often before a woman even knows. You trying to take a human rights issue and stuff your god into it is why there is a problem in the first place. Keep all gods out of it.
Thank you for your comment. I’m only sad I added mine so late to the conversation. I find this entire ProGrace website so scary…they’re seeking to educate Christians on how to speak to vulnerable pregnant women in ways more likely to make them open to hearing Christ’s message. It would be cringe if it didn’t exist in the context of the regressive, christian-army-led hellscape we find ourselves in.
That’s one of their two Core Beliefs–how fucking scary is that? Can you imagine being a woman with an unwanted pregnancy who doesn’t have the money or access to just seek the abortion healthcare you need, and you seen an advertisement for “pregnancy crisis help” and you’re desperate so you go there and then someone with that “core belief” is talking to you about some bullshit and you realize “oh, these people aren’t going to help me get an abortion at all” and then you’re just trying to get out of there but you’re not trying to be rude…can you imagine that nightmare?? This organization is, in part, training those crisis center people to use trickier language that makes pregnant women feel like their might be some empathy for their situation…so, lengthening the period of time that woman sits in a center having her time wasted.
Can you imagine being a person who thinks that “God’s design for pregnancy is to intertwine a woman and a child” and believing that you have any right to counsel a woman coping with an unwanted pregnancy??? The delusion is so thick you could cut it with a knife.
The whole this is depressing and shameful.
Thank for responding; I share your passion around the issue
This is the kind of information I am looking for
As a foster parent of 8.5 years this is highly variable on the area; ours for example was extremely thorough and we were able to see several children’s lives improved through their placements - I do not however want to discount that the opposite does also happen though I do not have the answer as to any better solution beyond providing significantly more support to all areas of the foster system. We need more well-meaning people to get involved both as social workers and especially as foster / adoptive parents.