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JACKSONVILLE, FL—Shedding new light on the role of self-perception in human psychology, a new study published Monday by the Mayo Clinic found that smacking one’s own head while yelling “Stupid, stupid, stupid” could be an early sign of low self-esteem. “While previous generations saw the act of batting at your own head in frustration as a normal part of everyday life, new research suggests that it could be linked, at least in part, to having a low opinion of yourself,” said lead practitioner Lilliana Morgan, whose study found a strong correlation between feelings of insecurity and pulling one’s hair with both hands while shouting “Why do you always do this?” “We found that most subjects who reported feeling down on themselves were not only more prone to these inwardly violent reactions than the cool, confident control group, but they also tended to practice these self-deprecating rituals every time they spoke aloud in front of us, once they thought we were no longer watching. Low self-esteem can manifest in many forms, and we now know those might include banging one’s head against the wall after saying something dumb in a meeting, pulling a pillow tight over one’s head for thinking she would ever go out with you, or punching oneself on the thigh after pulling a line of toilet paper off your shoe in front of a romantic dinner date.” Morgan added that there was unfortunately little to be done psychologically that would help these dumb losers feel better about themselves.
If only this study came out earlier. Maybe they could have caught the early signs in my youth.