I essentially do cease to exist without certain people. On a daily basis, the only people whose opinions I care about are the ones who pay me. Otherwise, I don’t care. But then I would meet someone or some people who I seek validation from, whether it’s romantic, platonic, or just an acknowledgement of normality and competence. That becomes my life until I’m drained and realize none of them are interested in me or have the complete opposite view of me. Then, I cease to exist, jaded, directionless until the next fixation arrives.

There’s not really anything else in my life. Hobbies are not enjoyable, eating is not enjoyable, working out is not enjoyable, music is seldom enjoyable, etc. Nothing really matters to me if I’m incapable of achieving basic human relationships.