And it’s hitting as hard as it probably could right now. Does anyone else wish they could just live life in a vacuum, their decisions completely unperceived

  • iie [they/them, he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    10·
    3 months ago

    lol yeah me too

    I realized recently, had almost an epiphany, that I almost never do or say what I want, but only ever what I think I should. It becomes a problem in writing. I’ve had to write essays and other things where I’ve agonized over wording for hours and allowed my inner self-critic to torture itself over what kind of thing I should write, what kind of tone, wording, structure, all that. With writing, there are so many endless ways to write a sentence or a paragraph or an essay, that it becomes a bottomless problem to reason your way to the right one. At some point it has to be an expression of you, but if your internal self-critic is louder than you are then it can be a challenge.

      • iie [they/them, he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
        3·
        3 months ago

        yeah dude, you too! I wish you luck with it. I’ll tell you that, in the brief moments when I manage to speak and act how I want to and not how I think I should, it feels very exposed, like I’ll get ridiculed at any moment. I think I’ve been trying to fit in my whole life. It’s to the point where, most of the time, I don’t even know how I want to speak and act. I have to consciously stop myself from acting out of habit. It will take practice. I’m treating it like physical therapy, like learning how to walk again after nerve damage.