Monday: My parents abused and neglected me, and that’s why I’m in therapy right now for CPTSD.

Tuesday: Holy fuck, has my life really been that awful? I can’t cope with this.

Wednesday: It wasn’t really abuse; I’m just a very weak and sensitive person who can’t handle normal life stressors.

Thursday: What abuse?

Friday: I think I’ve been the abuser all along.

Saturday: Whatever the truth - I am useless, disabled, and beyond saving.

Sunday: Oh so society thinks I don’t deserve to live? Then KILL ME YOU BASTARDS - I’M NOT DOING IT FOR YOU.

Monday: My parents abused and neglected me…

_

I want off this nightmare carousel! My life was so much more manageable when I blamed all of my suffering on myself.

    • sappho [she/her]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      1·
      4 years ago

      Yeah, my dad is like that. But my mom is riding some sort of cycle along with me. Sometimes she admits that they fucked up my childhood, sometimes she tries to convince me that it wasn’t really abuse because they love me and they didn’t mean to. It really feels like I’m losing my grip on reality, especially when they claim not to remember the things I do.

      • ButtBidet [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
        1·
        4 years ago

        I wonder if your dad was a big part, or the initiator of stuff. You’re probably already aware that so many of the psychological issues that women face come from dealing with their male romantic partners. Often times, women will just adjust themselves to their male partners and dismiss the obvious problems.

        The denial is the worst part, because it makes you question your sanity. I promise you, that after many ups and downs, it gets better. Have you thought about enforcing between you and your family? It helped me process things and rebuild my sense of self.

        I’m sorry to say, I used to hit my one year younger brother. Neglect had a big part to play, but still I feel shitty about it. I’ve never had issues to owning it or apologising. I don’t get people that won’t even discuss the past.

  • bewts [he/him,comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    1·
    4 years ago

    That sounds a lot like my internal monologue, I was never abused but I was neglected.

    I appreciate you sharing this because it really helps those of us with similar issues to feel like we’re not completely alone.

    Hope you can find some peace comrade.