I haven’t felt anything besides low burning self contempt for years. Emotions like sadness and happiness elude me. I haven’t sincerely shouted for joy or wept in years. I also have no desire to get close to other people and form relationships. This makes it nigh impossible for me to give a shit about even important things. While I don’t feel much pain anymore, I also lack the spark that makes life worth living. I feel like a soulless automaton.
Does this sound like it’s related to neurodivergence? I’m 100% depressed, but years of therapy and various different medications haven’t done much, so I feel like there must be more to it.
Reading your experience through my personal lens:
This sounds like an emotional would. People don’t close up and shut down unless they’ve been deeply hurt. I’m just starting to heal from my neglectful childhood, and I experience much of the same. It’s hard to feel, it’s hard to sit still (because that’s when the bad feelings return, also ADHD), and it’s nigh impossible to let people in.
Thank you for opening up in this thread, seriously. Thank you for being a little bit vulnerable.
I can’t say if you’re neurodivergent, or have “just” gone through some shit. I can say that neurodivergent people are often the target of abuse and neglect.