i passed out on the toilet at like 5 AM today. i thought i was just going to have diarrhea, but suddenly my lower stomach/intestines started hurting a lot, and i got really lightheaded. i knew i was about to pass out and was trying to breathe. next thing i knew i was waking up on the bathroom floor between my toilet and bathtub, my head basically inside the bucket we keep the plunger and toilet brush in. at first i was confused, i thought i was asleep in my bed, but i immediately panicked and noticed i was on the filthy bathroom floor. i swear i could hear indistinct voices as i came too as well. i don’t know how long i was out, a few minutes at most and probably less than that. i had a bit of a panic attack when i got up, i still felt lightheaded, i needed a shower after being face-first in the plunger bucket, and my stomach still hurt very badly and i felt like i had to defecate in the worst way. but since i was lightheaded i went to lie down on the floor in another room, trying to text my dad and my roommate who i had just taken to work earlier at like 4 AM with stiff tingling hands i could barely move. my dad didn’t respond, still asleep (and didn’t even say anything until much later in the day), but my roommate responded at work at least and my brother was willing to drive me to a hospital which i declined because i finally had the grossest weird smelling (like ammonia or cat poo) diarrhea ever and my stomach stopped hurting. no blood or anything came out that i noticed so i’m confused as to what even happened in a medical sense. i decided to stay home from a thanksgiving thing my brother had planned at the house he just moved into to keep things safe. i appreciate him (he was quicker to respond to calls for aid than my dad who is usually pretty cool) but i also don’t know any of the people he moved in with, and the way i felt after i regained consciousness reminded me of ways i’ve felt in other socially taxing situations (stiff, tingling hands and face), so i didn’t want to stress the same biological systems if its at all related. i had been reading ‘the will to change’ and having a bit of a i’m-a–broken-man-in-a-doomed-world kind of existential crisis, it kind of triggered me and reminded me of a lot of the abuse i suffered as a child, so maybe it was some kind of trauma psychosomatic thing. not a criticism of the book its just a little to real for my addled traumatized mind.

also, before any of this happened, while i was awake in bed, i had the weirdest psuedo-dream (like an intense involuntary waking daydream, my eyes rolled back into my head but i wasn’t asleep) about some green-eyed (solid/glowing green like green lantern or something) alien with defined brow ridges and grey skin (looked kind of like a Protoss) and either a red mouthless facepart (like DBZ cell’s original form with its mouth closed) or a mask, on its mouth, and wearing white and gold robes, examining me as i kneeled before it in either chains or some kind of collar. it or an associate moved a rod or a staff and it forced my body (i was watching this dream in 3rd person from some other perspective) to move, turning my head to the left and exposing my neck. the tall grey skinned green eyed alien stared and did something to my neck, maybe with a wand or something, and i started feeling weird mentally. i had been initially terrified of this alien but suddenly i reached out as if i trusted it, and then a large white/gold humanoid dragon’s (a character the preexists in my mental library of archetypes, i have seen it before in other similar psuedo-dream/hallucinations) foot appeared at the edge of my disembodied view of the scene, implying that the rest of its huge body encased in some kind of translucent sphere had been ‘summoned’ by this manipulation of my body. then, i saw the grey skinned green eyed alien with its hands in my head, which looked impossibly and bloodlessly ‘opened up’ with rectangular panels removed and floating nearby, as if it was moving objects around inside my skull, or doing some kind of maintenance or manipulation. this alien was terrifying to me at first but it felt more like a doctor in this scene. for some reason it felt to me like this dream was related to the voices i heard wile i regained consciousness later.

in conclusion, any aliens or sorcerers on here or anywhere else wishing my demise because of my cringe posting are going to have to try harder, cuz i lived this time. shoutout to the handful of people that upvote even my most deranged posts for some reason.