So I’ve come to a realization after about a couple decades of stress and shit that I probably have adhd. Obviously I don’t want to for sure since I haven’t been diagnosed, but when I’m literally yelling at myself to do stuff and can’t stay focussed on basically anything, and get extremely overwhelmed via information overload, etc. It’s a good idea to get checked out.
But…I don’t want the medicine. I don’t know why but I dont like the idea of it. I take other medications, heartburn meds, cold medicine, vaccines, etc. But I dont like shit messing with my head. I don’t even drink coffee (and I don’t drink or smoke either. Hell, im even reluctant to take painkillers) It causes such anxiety in me, I don’t exactly know why either. But the me who is shit and can’t focus and whatever is all I’ve known. I dont want to be someone else because I took a little pill filled with chemicals. It’s stupid. I know its stupid. If this was someone else talking to me I’d be saying “well You’d improve yourself and you’re just making yourself focus like a normal prrson.” But I have such a fear of…of whatever I fear. I don’t understand.
As someone who has been medicated for years now, just try it. For most people it’s not habit forming. Also getting diagnosed doesn’t mean you get medicated. It does help you understand why you are the way you are. Medication doesn’t undo the lifetime of trauma you’ve endured and all the bad habits that stem from that. There is a lot of shame attached to ADHD that is external to the condition. You solve that shame and anxiety through therapy. The medication makes it less emotionally taxing to change tasks. It also helps suppress rejection sensitive.
It doesn’t change you. You won’t be less creative. It won’t even stop you from hyper focusing. It will let you stop hyper focusing though. Having better priorities is still on you, but it’s easier to stick to them with meds and therapy.
Thanks comrade. This really resonated with me. Currently borderline (doc said non stimulant, but imma take another test just to get a clearer diagnosis), and this is really encouraging.