So I’ve come to a realization after about a couple decades of stress and shit that I probably have adhd. Obviously I don’t want to for sure since I haven’t been diagnosed, but when I’m literally yelling at myself to do stuff and can’t stay focussed on basically anything, and get extremely overwhelmed via information overload, etc. It’s a good idea to get checked out.
But…I don’t want the medicine. I don’t know why but I dont like the idea of it. I take other medications, heartburn meds, cold medicine, vaccines, etc. But I dont like shit messing with my head. I don’t even drink coffee (and I don’t drink or smoke either. Hell, im even reluctant to take painkillers) It causes such anxiety in me, I don’t exactly know why either. But the me who is shit and can’t focus and whatever is all I’ve known. I dont want to be someone else because I took a little pill filled with chemicals. It’s stupid. I know its stupid. If this was someone else talking to me I’d be saying “well You’d improve yourself and you’re just making yourself focus like a normal prrson.” But I have such a fear of…of whatever I fear. I don’t understand.
Methylphenidate is amazing. For me at least it gave me the ability to do things I wanted to do for years but could never find the drive.
There’s a few different release mechanisms so don’t give up out the gate, even if it’s the same molecule they are not all created equal. Work with your prescriber until you find the right fit. It is worth it.
Your brain has a dopamine hole and you are bound to be doing something to fill it, probably undesirable. I used to spend so much time on my phone, years wasted. A shame, really. Go get your meds and take care of it the right way.