I envy those who get an energy boost from caffeine. The only thing it does for me is give me anxiety, and then I have to take a shit. So now I’m tired, anxious, and I have to poop.

If I’m going to take a stimulant to wake up, it better be Adderall. Hell, I’ll sooner snort coke than drink coffee ever again. The side effects aren’t nearly as bad, and unlike caffeine, it actually wakes me up.