I was with this girl I loved at a prom last Saturday. I first met her 4-5 years ago. I became friends with her, like, immediately. We both share the same interests, that being history, politics and acting. I began loving her half a year ago and tbh, it just sorta happened. So I decided to invite to that prom. Than, when it has gotten dark, I went with her outside, where I told her that I had feeling for her and asked if we wanted to be together. She replied that “we’re not the same”, despite our same interests. It felt like a whole world fell apart for me, it felt like everything around me fell apart. Which is why I went away, crying. I still fell depressed after hearing this, even though it was a few days ago. Which is why I’m wondering, how did it feel for you? Have you had any similar experiences?
I’m sorry this happened comrade. Rejection sucks but please don’t let this define you. Too many times in my past did I cling or obsess over failings in my romantic life that affected me in ways that with a healthier understanding of people/relationships etc I’d not have.
E.g. a gf I had when I was 14 cheated (kissed) two guys at a party while we were dating. It’s insane that this affected me so fundamentaly but it defined my relationship with cheating/trust/relationships for many years after but here’s the thing. I was a fucking teenager. She wasn’t “the one”, we weren’t going to stay together as high-school sweet hearts, we didn’t even know who we were or what we liked. I just was conditioned by society (more accurately media) that a relationship at 14 was to be taken as seriously as a marriage and in turn applied those outrageous expectations to how I processed and understood my situation.
That’s fucking stupid because I wasn’t even a fully formed individual at the time.
Reading these comments and considering my own experience, there’s a link between trauma/pop culture relationship expectations/Americanised high-school dating dynamics.
Like food for thought, nobody needs to kick off at me here but are we not expected at a very young age to commit to adult relationship dynamics at an time when we:
a) haven’t fully developed mentally and physically
b) painted an idealistic expectation of relationship dynamics by capitalist media
c) beholden to social dynamics in school influenced by the above?
It’s truly corrupting in hindsight how much it fucks people up because human beings are complicated.
Nobody owes anyone romantic interest for whatever reason but under capitalism and americanised media we are conditioned to believe that interests and kinship are synonymous with romantic interest when arguely they are just not and that corrupts and distorts our understanding/perception/execution of platonic and non platonic relationships with others as a result.
Mistakes and misunderstanding are extrapolated to insane levels to mimic adult relationship dynamics when at the age I explained in my above example I should have just moved on and enjoyed my childhood.
I’m really sorry this happened comrade and I hope you are okay. It might be an empty comment now but you are not defined by this, neither of you are. You are you and there’s people out there who would walk over fire to consider you a romantic partner, its just about finding them.
I know this is shallow words when your might be hurting and if so I’m sorry but this pain won’t last forever and time heals all wounds. I know, I know it sounds so lazy to say that but you are what? In high-school at prom? Comrade, life begins after high-school, so don’t let this knock you back/down and negatively impact the best thats yet to come.
Just look after yourself and know everyone here is happy to listen and support you.
Yes I have. Many times. Unfortunately, it has largely left me very walled off emotionally.
I did when I was younger, but as someone who’s in their 30s looking back on it it feel incredibly lackluster and overall “meh”.
This is basically my feeling too. Had some pretty major emotional upheavals as a teenager, but it all just feels kind of silly now I’m in my 30s. I spent such a long time convinced I would love no one and die alone, but it was all just time wasted making myself miserable for nothing.
If there was any advice I’d share with younger people now, it would be to not be stubborn. These feelings are intense, but they’ll fade in time. You might feel like you’ll never find anyone in your life that will grab you the way that one person has - and you might even be right - but that doesn’t mean you won’t find happiness elsewhere.
Relationships are often portrayed in unrealistic and idealistic ways. The means to obtain happiness are also becoming more and more of a barrier. Our media has made communication with one another very difficult.
I think it’s just most relationships are set up to fail. Sometimes they can be nice though.
