I’ve never actually read Settlers aside from a page or chapter or two but I’ve seen people sum up its major points on reddit comments. Ironically, the day before the event I’m about describe happened, I watched BadEmpanada’s video making fun of Gonzalo and talking about the atrocities of the Shining Path.
Yesterday I had a mental breakdown in a public space and started yelling and threatening to get violent to someone to the point where security had to escort me out of the building I was in. I then proceeded to run in front of the street in hopes a car would kill me.
While there were other factors, like having to wait in line for hours with no guarantee that it would even be worth it, and perhaps not having enough hours of sleep, the main reason why I snapped was because I, for some reason, was so upset at the idea of people in the first world being complicit in the exploitation of people in imperialized nations with their usage of luxury products gained from exploitation and the idea that the biggest problem in a first worlder’s life is the fact that a video game or movie sucked, or that someone cheated in a speedrun. I kept thinking about all these (often long or very long) Youtube videos you see where someone talks about speedrunning crap or makes a 12 hour video dissecting why a TV show is bad. It bothered me that people in my home country care so much about those insignificant things instead of imperialism.
In addition, a person who I am very close to and care about deeply had sent me a pro-Taiwan video on Discord, which led to me spamming the message “Fuck off”. My brain had malfunctioned the point that I fantasized about killing myself to stop these dysphoric feelings, even taking it another step further by thinking about taking others with me via ultraleft terrorism. Thankfully this is 100% materially impossible for me to do and is not even remotely a realistic concern. I feel embarrassed that I even experienced this brainrot since I literally hate Maoists and make fun of them all the time online. The thought I even had feelings like this is extremely out of character and I can’t even think of any logical reason why it even happened. Can someone tell me how I can avoid ever hating the local proletariat ever again?
TL;DR: I hate speedrunning and video essays.
I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but how can you claim you’ve fallen under that field of thought when you’ve only read a chapter or two at most of it? Something about that statement just doesn’t smell right; though you have my condolences for hitting that breakpoint.
Maybe it’s where I come from myself, where I’m currently at (surrounded by white latté left and redneck paramilitaries), or the fact that we still don’t have a modern Black nationalist line of proper theoretical thought for this era yet, but I refuse to discard Settlers myself. I stand firmly at a crossroads of 'if this nation’s proletariat wants me to believe that they even can break the shackles around their wrists, they need to show me so; show and prove." Til then, I’m fundamentally incapable of believing it-- and beyond that, pseudonymous publishing has been at the heart of rebellion since time immemorial; but crackers want me to discard one of the most salient, timely publications I’ve ever read with regard to wrongs done and how to handle them in this age just bc it makes them uncomfy? No sir/ma’am/otherwise.