I feel lost sometimes. I’m an ethnic minority in s country I consider my home, and in recent years I’ve seen conflicts surge especially with the rise of outspoken xenophobia paired with economic troubles. I thought I could change this when I was in my twenties. I got involved with migrants rights organizations. I volunteered and taught classes. I met people and tried to talk about the topic. I thought I was helping a good cause, that it should count for something.

Then I got into my thirties. My parents are showing health troubles. Our family business isn’t doing great. I had no savings. I had to switch careers since teaching wasn’t paying enough, and guess what happens to a decade of experience as teacher/volunteer/freelancer when I apply for entry level jobs requiring 3+ years of experience in a godforsaken yet another JS library doing the same crap? Tossed into the bin.

I gave up. People were ignorant at best and venomous at worst. The pandemics only made things worse. Me and my parents were called names, told to go back to $country, that we were stealing money meant for neighbors when I was simply applying for finantial aid.

My acquaintances (or friends) don’t share the threat I perceive. I was told to simply stop bothering or to “calm down”. When I wanted to vent about racist treatment during a job interview, their collective response was “how funny that must have been”. I wasn’t making a joke. I just learned not to react. But it still hurts.

I just want to distance myself from all of it. I accepted a job offer paying less than expected after a year of searching. Better than nothing, but I can’t be stuck in this job forever, I need more. I need to take my parents out of this place. Make them finally have a livable environment instead of being made fun of simply because they’re crossing the street or doing something mundane. We’re not robots that make your chow mein. We’re not spreading covid just by existing. We’re not your enemy. We’re your neighbors.