Does anyone feel like they’re missing social cues that neurotypical people understand without being taught? I’m missing out on career opportunities because of it. Does any type of guide/rulebook exist to effectively mask?
This is the one I’ve found most helpful, especially the last chapter:
http://www.afieldguidetoearthlings.com
I don’t know if it helped me mask better, but it made neurotypical behavior seem less confusing and more predictable.
Step 1: Read How to make friends and influence people. Step 2: Cry, bc half the book is “listen and pay attention”
Hmm sounds intriguing. I guess there definitely must be a reason it’s so popular. add to cart
Step 1.1: Download free ebook (https://archive.org/details/howtowinfriendsinfluencepeople_202004/page/n6/mode/1up) (it’s so old that it’s public domain)
I’ve read somewhere that people who have ADHD are very often also autistic. Is it possible that you have undiagnosed mild autism?
The thought crossed my mind. I feel like often after the fact I realize the social cues. It’s like I pick up on them but I’m almost too focused on my thoughts/desires to act according to the social cues; then later I regret not acting on those social cues. I’ll have a little voice that says I shouldn’t say/do the thing but the impulse is to strong to stop myself. I guess I don’t know a whole lot about mild autism however, wouldn’t I like not understand the error I made until someone directly explains it?
That’s an interesting question.
Most guides I’ve seen focus on helping us learn our masks and how to not use them.
The part I find the most difficult is when NT say not the ‘truth/fact because it is ‘understood’ to be something ‘no one’ talks about directly. Indirect context is very difficult.
That being said - one of my masks is being overly gregarious and because I don’t filter the above - people tend to think I like going ‘deep’ in relationships ‘fast’.
Others may have better recommendations, but can’t truly recommend books about coping or masking. Guidebooks, while informative, did not work for me.
One of the books called Taking Charge of Adult ADHD by russel barkley, a clinical psychologist, who had done research on adhd was okay, but I would recommend reading it objectively. The information felt outdated and it may not apply to everyone with adhd. Driven to distraction was okay too.
The book “What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don’t?” may be what you’re looking for.
