Let me start. I previously resided in a north eastern US state, I had a good job, a good partner, a nice place to live. I thought I’d made it.
I started having medical problems, discovered I carry certain genes and such. Was having trouble getting them diagnosed, but such is life.
Then my good partner left me, I lost my job of a year and a half, and I thought a fresh start near family would be good. I decided to move cross country. Which I regret, I want to leave but now I don’t have the resources so here I am.
I just can’t seem to get a job, I’ve applied at over 2000 jobs in the last 6 months. My previous job was managing the entire technology infrastructure for an IT company. The one before that was the IT Manager for a small company. I have the experience, but I can’t get a job.
Last night I swerved to avoid deer in the road, got stuck in the mud and had to get towed out. I’m flat broke, I can’t get a job, I have nothing. I lost everything. And I don’t see myself ever recovering it. I have the experience and skill to do at least mid and some high level IT work.
I desperately want a remote job because my car is not reliable, my partner got the good car sadly. I’ve certainly made mistakes, I’ve certainly failed. But I don’t think I deserve this much pain and suffering. I have nothing, I’ve lost it all. I can’t find a job. I don’t dare look for a partner while I’m a dead broke loser, so I have no one to share with.
Anyways, I apologize for whining and crying, I know we’re all going through things. But I have nowhere to vent and it just keeps getting worse and I honestly don’t think I’ll ever get out.
Love you all. Thanks for reading. Please think of me when you get a chance and send good vibes my way.
You haven’t lost it all, and I know some people who are in worse positions than you. Maybe it’s bad to compare though because when you compare yourself to… Well other or your past self, it’s not really a good thing or a path to positivity.
I recognize that the broad economy for IT has degenerated in the past year, and as a fellow technology professional it worries me too about this situation. I don’t think people would consider ‘just’ 6 months outside of work in a tech downturn to be too much of a black mark on the resume. I’ve certainly have seen worse.
Support, both financial government support, and family support, are needed in these situations to help you out. In my example for people I know, living in with family/friends is a big $$$ saver and can provide the runway you need to fly again. EDIT: In this case, the family environment for this individual was toxic, so his healing didn’t really help until we (his friends) took him into a spare bedroom / etc. etc. Even a loving family could be toxic and unhelpful to growth.
When you combine this toxic family + PTSD (two tours to Iraq 2003 war), this healing period realistically takes years. But as I said before, I dont think you are in that bad of a situation so I’d think you’d get better faster than my friend did. But even after multiple years, he leans on me and my family for a degree of support.
I don’t think internet help is very good or useful. But hopefully you can find someone in your social group who can offer you the support you need right now. Dont feel ashamed, we all need a pickup every now and then. Don’t try to do everything yourself. If no one in your social group can offer long-term support and help, that’s another unlucky turn and I’d compare you to one of my uncles who lived through his 30s / 40s in a similar boat as yours but had to pull himself out of it by himself (or at least, grandma wasn’t very supportive and was probably counterproductive to his healing). There’s just too many unknowns to fully understand your situation over the internet, so I really doubt my ability to help you over the internet.