Authority can have checks and balances. Authoritarianism by definition seeks to exceed and remove checks and balances.
The actual definition of authoritarian is “favouring or enforcing strict obedience to authority at the expense of personal freedom.”
You are correct in saying that it does not matter what system authoritarianism is attached to.
lemmy and reddit are great places to learn about debate, but their systems are not set upnto foster genuine debate. if you want to see real debate, with threats, strawmen, logical fallacies, trolls and street rules you’re in the right place.
OP is just asking for some help taking the wool away from over their eyes so they can see the truth behind the strawmen, anecdotes, fallacies and misdirection.