It’s amusing you mention the kink community, because that’s kinda where I have been thinking about recently. I’m very much a versatile, but have only ever been the dominate one (I have never knowingly met or interacted with a dominate women that wasn’t an obvious scammer). I have always been kink adjacent, meaning people I have dated or know are/were involved in it, but I never have been. I have poked around and found there are some Femdom related meetups and munches in my area, so I do plan on scoping one of them out at some point.

My only real ‘hesitation’ is just the type of women in my area that tend to be involved in kink in my area tend to be a bit larger and older than I would prefer 😅. Not that I’m shaming them for that, everyone should be comfortable in their own bodies. In fact, I would estimate at least 80% of my partners have weighed more than me while being shorter than me. I’m not actually that picky, I just know that ultimately I would like someone who is at a similar activity level and overall level of fitness. I’m not looking for a super model.

I am exactly average for my height and weight… if it were the 1970s. That eliminates 66% of the population in my area though and is likely something I will likely concede on as I have in the past.

Really, I’m mostly holding out for VR or holographic projections to get to a point where I can reasonably pretend/convince myself (not actually but you know what I mean) it’s good enough. Something along the lines of what K has in his apartment in Blade Runner 2049. I’m thinking in like 20-30 years maybe?

Edit: I actually did the math not too long ago pulling data from the most recent census and Pew Research and the number of women that match my criteria and are on dating apps in my area is about 35. Well like 35.6 but I’m not sure if I should count on the double leg amputee or not (joking). That number is likely a little smaller due to some things I couldn’t get numbers for.

It’s an LSposed/XPosed based app called YouTube Adaway. It also enables background playback.

Like I said, it’s my only option really, but been doing it when out of a relationship for at least a decade.

Not to be too snarky, I know you are just trying to be helpful, but I have tons of hobbies I enjoy and not enough time and money to enjoy the ones that I do have. I’m not looking for someone that shares my every hobby, but the only women I seem to connect with are of the engineering STEM type, but the interest has always been very one sided.

Another unfortunate part of our current reality is that life at this point almost assumes there are two working people in a household. It can be very difficult just getting daily and weekly responsibilities done with any time left over.

Then being told that despite doing everything society says one should do and be to be desirable to a partner (including being understanding and respectful of others struggles, trauma, neurodiversity, etc.) basically being told I just need to be more social is infuriating. So the fact that I’m introverted and find lots of social interaction taxing is something I need to get over, but I need to just accept that I will never have someone ASK ME out and I need to be patient and understanding with everyone I interact with?

I said, I know you are just trying to be helpful, and this frustration isn’t directed at you, but life more generally. It’s something I have gotten a lot of and feels a lot like “hopes and prayers”. It’s a reaction people seem to have wanting to somehow cognitively decouple from the core root cause and find a way to other me and what I need to do so that they don’t have to really engage with and think about the cold reality of it all.

Any tips for someone who would want to emigrate, but doesn’t have any connections? I am an engineer and I have looked at immigration requirements for places like Canada and New Zeeland in the past and it seems like the only real shot I might have is if I work for an international company that has facilities in one of those countries.

That has been my specific issue with paying for any Google product always. I understand when I am using a product for free that I am not necessarily the customer and that money has to be made off of me or the users more generally somehow. That’s “fine” (ish, not really, but that has more to do with issues of security than anything).

However when I pay for a product or service, I want to now be the customer and I want to be in control of my data and have the company cater to me. If, when paying for a Google service, there was some legally relevant things in place that insured I was no longer being tracked and used to generate revenue via third parties I would gladly pay. Probably more than they are charging now, but instead they want to have it both ways which is just not OK with me.

What I find the most hilarious is that on a rooted Android phone there is an app that hooks into the YouTube app and eliminates adds in it. Even when my PC with Firefox and UBlock get temporarily blocked in the battle between Google and ad blockers my phone using the standard app still doesn’t have adds.

I don’t know something about it is very satisfying to me.

My issue is with your first sentence (cis white man that is about as just barely straight). With all of the talk about equality, equity, and BS gender roles, I’m still expected to make all of the initial moves and decisions in real life and on apps. However, I’m mildly on the spectrum and my natural tenancy is to be very aggressive in my methods (not in a violent way and not just with people, just mean I am very earnest, locked in, and tenacious with most things I do).

I have never been approached, hit on, or asked out by a women in real life, though I have by men a couple of times. When I’m in public or at a bar I am literally invisible, unless I happen to walk into a women’s zone of awareness (not personal space, but the point/distance where they then have to make a judgment as to whether I am a threat or not).

The advantage of online dating is that if I match with someone it’s reasonable to assume they are interested in me which puts me past the initial barrier in real life of not being able to tell. At that point I’m pretty OK at interacting with a person and flirting etc. However, my hobbies and the things I would like a partner to enjoy doing with me are very male dominated.

The result of this is that I haven’t ever had a partner or dated someone who didn’t have crippling anxiety and/or deep self-image issues where they use their partner for all of the validation and structure they haven’t figured out how to do from within themselves. Which at least to me makes sense, since women with the same interests as mine are surrounded by men all the time everyday, and so the confident well adjusted women have the metaphorical pick of the litter and probably end up with one of the few not problematic men in that space that are also well adjusted.

I am well aware it’s far more complicated than that, and that women face a number of other struggles, but Game Theory does still very much apply, and so as I was saying before despite all of the rhetoric about equity, I still have to play by the old rules while somehow also playing by the new ones at the same time.

It’s exhausting.

That’s easier said than done. I have a passport, but a lot of countries are still pretty hard to get a job in as a foreigner even with a skill set that is in demand. I have actually been looking for a while. It’s not easy.

How do I leave?

Living in the thick of it and that’s how I feel 😮‍💨.

All I can say is that in my professional career where I have to write technical reports and summarize technical information I would never represent it that way, and I would be concerned if a colleague, customer, or supplier did it even if they were communicating it to a non technical audience. I would also call out my employer or management if they ever tried to change the representation of the data to something like this.

That could say more about me than anything else, but that’s where I am at.

But centigrade isn’t a measure of absolute units and is disingenuous. Using your argument it requires the consumer/reader to make a number of inferences or assumptions which isn’t a good method of communication in general. It is perfectly valid to say that the cooler took CPU temperatures from 70°C to 35°C.

Why not just say that. It’s an impressive stat!

Scales exist for a reason. Cutting 70°C in half is by definition -101.5°C. But let’s assumed somehow everyone is on the same page and that anything below 0°C should just be ignored in this specific scenario and not any other (confusing right?), saying the temperature was cut in half is still confusing! Half from where? Did it go from 20°C to 10°C? From 80°C to 40°C? It just doesn’t mean anything and as said before I would argue just stating the numbers is more impressive and informative.

Are we talking about me specifically or people in general? I’ll assume general as I was just relaying a personal anecdote to show that my point/thesis wasn’t just a hypothetical as I do know how to get around it in my specific case.

In the general context, that’s not a great solution for most people as it is beyond their skill or time set. For the most disadvantaged people just having the ability to have a phone at all and a place to reliably charge it is an issue. There is also the issue is practicality. When I take public transit where I live, the app pulls up a QR code on my phone they gets scanned. I’m not even sure I could fit my laptop screen into the space to scan the QR code if I was emulating Android.

So I guess my thesis here is that systems should be made more accessible and inclusive rather than requiring those in the minority to either have to put more effort in using a workaround to reach functional parity or end up left out all together.

Unfortunately yes, and I would go even a step further and say a smart phone is a basic necessity. More and more companies and even government services are operating on the assumption that everyone has a smart phone. I have encountered various services where if a person didn’t have a smart phone they literally can’t use it. I even have personal experience with it.

My landlord uses a company for payments that can only be interacted with via an app on a smart phone. There is no web portal option. There is no option to mail a check. There is no option to setup a direct bank transfer. I was essentially strong armed into it since the place itself was (and still is) better than almost anything else I saw and is a reasonable price.

He’s not wrong…

I’m not convinced the employers know that. At least not the ones that ultimately control hiring. Granted, I’m not CS, I’m in the Mechanical Engineering world and it seems like a similar issue has existed (for possibly different reasons) for the last decade or so. That goes double for the skilled trades that our work heavily relies on. Companies don’t want to spend the time and money developing new talent, they just want to find already developed talent.

They may throw some money and lip service at some school or community programs, but they don’t really take on the responsibility of insuring a sustainable ecosystem of people in the industry. Like a lot of issues it’s the Prisoner’s Dilemma. I’m not sure how it is in other parts of the world, butat least in the US, with some rare exceptions, I don’t see people and companies changing from being selfish to trying to maximize the benefit for all without changes in policy, and the likelihood of that is well…

They even stopped selling their ICE Transit Connect in the US while almost simultaneously introducing an EV in Europe with no plans to sell it in the US.

Doing work, solving problems, and failing is often the best way for people to learn. I will damn near get fired before I let management schlep menial busy work onto an intern or tell them look but don’t touch. If an intern has to do some kind of mind numbing repetitive task, it won’t be anything that I myself haven’t already had to an equal amount of or at least will be doing side by side with them. As you said, they are there to learn, not fill a hole management was too cheap or lazy to do. .

It is probably worth while to note that in my industry interns are generally paid pretty well. My internship back in the day paid about double what my job in IT paid when I took it.

Shit. You got me there. Carry on I guess.

A single company shouldn’t be able to dictate how the web works.