• 19 Posts
  • 983 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
Cake day: September 1st, 2023
  • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zonetoCyanide and Happiness@lemm.ee•9 October 2024
    15·
    29 days ago

    Thanks for your kind words.

    It’s… I can and am choosing not to kill myself. I can’t choose to not want to kill myself. I think it’s kind of inevitable though, it’ll only take one time of things being bad enough for me to not care about hurting those who care about me. More or less just trying to give myself as much time as possible and enjoy what I can while I can.

    I don’t really have any hope for the future. It’s become incredibly clear to me over the past few months that while I can feel better sometimes, nothing actually improves. Things don’t improve unless you actively try to improve them, and having tried and failed spectacularly it’s apparent that I even if I kept trying, it would be ineffective, and I just can’t care enough to keep trying.

    I really don’t want to keep living, but I choose to anyways, at least until things I get bad I can’t choose anymore. I won’t hurt my friends and family and I know how I see things and how I feel are different from the reality of my situation. Just eventually, those won’t be enough anymore.