Hi, I 21/male have depression, ADHD and most likely also OCD.
No matter what happens I constantly think about the smallest things that they ruined my life and that I can’t progress/let go of them without being perfect.
I destroy my whole life that way cause this always prohibits me from enjoying life because I always will find a thought and reason why I can’t commit to life and enjoy it.
It could be the silliest thing like I can’t follow my passion because someone criticized me or something.
Like if my brain constantly searches a reason for why something might ruin me.
I have this feeling of being unable to do stuff when something didn’t work/turned out the way I wanted it to, like as if there is this barrier that paralysis me. I think that something I did (or someone else did) ruined my life and that I can never undo it anymore. And I have so much shame and regret over my actions.
I obsessively always see the worst of every little thing and it doesn’t make any sense and mostly is completely unreasonable.
I’m wasting my whole life time and miss all the great life opportunities which I deeply regret.
Is there any way I can escape this toxic negative cycle that keeps me stuck in this overthinking?
The good news is you’re already on your way to making a change in yourself. You’re aware of what’s happening and how it’s affecting you, and you want to change. The next step is to make a plan, and then comes implementing that plan. There unfortunately isn’t going to be a switch you can flip to change overnight, it’s going to take time and effort, but you can absolutely do it.
I’m going to speak from my experience, because I used to have really bad anxiety and anger, both of which caused me problems, but they’re all but gone now. I also likely have ADHD, though undiagnosed.
I cannot overstate how impactful mindfulness meditation has been on my life. Did you know you can actually tell your brain what to focus on rather than your brain deciding for you automatically? I sure as hell did not know that was a thing. I just happened to stumble into a meditation group that met weekly.
At first, I have to say I was scornful of the experience. While I was there, my internal dialogue went “this is stupid,” “can they hear me breathing too loud?,” “that sound outside the room is annoying,” etc. etc. Over time, with much practice, I realized I learned to recognize each of those thoughts when they were happening, and then was able to let the thought go and refocus my attention to whatever we were doing.
Sometimes it was a guided meditation, sometimes chanting or breathwork, sometimes silence, sometimes chakras. At all points, I found my mind wandering or judging, because that’s what minds do. I noticed that, let it go, then refocused my attention on the meditation. That act of noticing, letting go, and refocusing is literally exercising your attention. It’s like lifting weights in your brain. I did this for several years weekly and came out a happier, more content person on the other end.
Meditation is something you can practice alone in your room, but you’re going to get more benefit from doing it with others. Take a look around to see if there are any meet ups in your area, or even see if you can find a virtual meditation group.
Lastly, not everyone is going to be able to make change on their own. Some may need a bit of help, which is great because there are some great therapists out there. DBT, RODBT, and CBT all might be useful for you. If you’re interested, maybe look into group therapy or intensive outpatient programs near you. Of note, mindfulness skills are one of the 4 core tenants of DBT, so you just can’t escape mindfulness.
Good luck my friend, don’t hesitate to reach out!
I found something similar in yoga. If meditation doesn’t seem to fit you, you might consider yoga.