TW for suicide, and drugs.
Spare me the usual replies, please. I’ve heard them all.
I’m going to drop Creamsicle off at a friend’s house today.
“Yay!”
Then I’m probably going to acquire fentanyl somehow, and forget that I ever existed.
I’ve considered writing a letter to my friend, the one I’m always talking about. Creamsicle was originally supposed to be a birthday present for them, but they didn’t want him. I’d love for him to go live with them, but I don’t want them to be sad. I think I just want them to forget I ever existed. I know they probably won’t be too sad but I don’t know. I wish I could say goodbye.
Every single fucking day sucks. I am in the same exact hole today, on March 22nd, 2024, as I was on March 22nd, 2023, and on March 22nd, 2022. The only difference is I just keep getting slightly worse every year. Each winter hurts more than the last. More people stop talking to me and I smile less and life becomes increasingly more stupid and meaningless.
I was suicidal too some years ago, maternal abuse and fathers suicide, while having to still pass my studies.
I managed to finish my studies and then I broke down, I spent two years just smoking weed and playing videogames while thinking about death.
After taking mushrooms my depressiom improved and I was able to have enough energy to continue my life, 3 years later I feel much better and my life is a lot better too.
I hated when people told me to not do it, but now im not so sure, things really have gotten better for me in ways I would have never thought of.
I guess make sure you have looked at every option before doing anything.