It’s perfectly fine to be a “feminine” man. Young men do not need a vision of “positive masculinity.” They need what everyone else needs: to be a good person who has a satisfying, meaningful life.
Only if you broadcast your list of gender “check boxes”, and come down on others to follow them.
I think this is precisely what gender roles are supposed to do.
Do young men really pursue masculinity because it truly matches with the people they are or do they do that because of the benefits of being ‘masculine’? You’ll enjoy respect, authority, a certain sex-appeal, confidence… And if you challenge gender norms you’ll experience the opposite. You’re gonna be treated more like a women.
And that’s the reason why masculinity is appealing to young men. And I feel like this is fundamentally problematic. I don’t think the individual traits are bad (as you said, responsibility, physical fitness etc), it is the expectations and privileges attached to masculinity.
The broadcast to others is the point I’m targeting.
Keep your own list and enjoy it. Just don’t expect it out of others, perhaps aside from your SO, and even that would only be a temporary thing, or a vehicle for discussion about changes in their life.
There is an extreme pressure for boys and men to be masculine.
It is like a radio so strong it interferes with any other radio station. There is so much discrimination you face as a ‘feminine’ man.
In this context it feels odd to say ‘mind your own business’
I think this is precisely what gender roles are supposed to do.
Do young men really pursue masculinity because it truly matches with the people they are or do they do that because of the benefits of being ‘masculine’? You’ll enjoy respect, authority, a certain sex-appeal, confidence… And if you challenge gender norms you’ll experience the opposite. You’re gonna be treated more like a women. And that’s the reason why masculinity is appealing to young men. And I feel like this is fundamentally problematic. I don’t think the individual traits are bad (as you said, responsibility, physical fitness etc), it is the expectations and privileges attached to masculinity.
The broadcast to others is the point I’m targeting.
Keep your own list and enjoy it. Just don’t expect it out of others, perhaps aside from your SO, and even that would only be a temporary thing, or a vehicle for discussion about changes in their life.
There is an extreme pressure for boys and men to be masculine. It is like a radio so strong it interferes with any other radio station. There is so much discrimination you face as a ‘feminine’ man. In this context it feels odd to say ‘mind your own business’
My original clearly is describing a goal state.
Edit especially the last line.
Edit.edit beyond that, the comment I replied to was discussing if gender roles can ever be positive. Ever.
To which I provided a scenario where they could. (focused on not imposing that “list” on others)