Wrap you up in a lil burrito 🌯

I would pull out a can of beans and also a can of beanis and make you decide which one you want. You would freeze. How could you choose between beans and beanis? It is in that momentary window of indecisiveness that I would attack. By farding in your nose.

Victory is mine.

Facts and logic

unplug your controller and keep sweeping you in the corner

they don’t call me the “cheater with cheap moves” because i’m a lothario.

so I’m jumping out of an airplane
I’m really fat and I’m wearing suspenders
I’m holding a huge barrel that says “WOKE” on it under one arm
I’m screaming “LOOK OUT BELOW”
as I gain speed a fire cloud forms around me from friction against the atmosphere
you are standing on the ground right just looking at dirt as usual
nine femtoseconds later you have been turned two dimensional from the impact
I say HA HA HA and then I start chugging woke from the barrel

Its bath time! Can’t be dirt owl if no dirt

There are foolproof methods that have been passed down the generations:

Drop safe on you, the door of which then swings open as you stumble out with your head encircled by stars.

Dress up a stick of dynamite so that you over it and then light the fuse.

Strap a giant firework to my back and attempt to catch you mid flight.

Paint a tunnel on a cliff side.

Not by fighting. But by destroying your will to fight.

(I’d cry and look pitiful )

Distract you by releasing a large bag of field mice

I would find a way to sneak beano into your food. Thereby eliminating your most powerful weapon.

Crying and peeing my pants

pocket sand

i would summon a second owl and have them challenge you to a cleanliness contest

Seduction. I would do a funky dance and roll a 20 on my performance check