• mozz@mbin.grits.dev
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    13 days ago

    Okay so there’s a wonderful book about the zoo, I can’t even remember the title and I am not motivated enough to find it. It’s all true though; just this guy’s stories about working in the zoo which are pretty fascinating by and large

    So anyway, in it, they need to gather some rhino semen. One of the younger employees comes up with this great idea that we’re gonna make a big fake rhino, and I’ll hide inside it with the sample container, and we’ll stick it in the enclosure and the rhino will fuck it and I’ll be inside and I’ll make sure everything is lined up and we’ll get the little container of rhino cum. Easy peasy, can’t believe you guys didn’t think of this

    So his mentor says I don’t think that’s a good idea all things considered

    They go back and forth, and finally the mentor says fine. Tell you what. Make up your fake rhino, just don’t get in it, just set up the sample bottle the best way you can rig it up and I know it might be better if you’re in there to make sure everything is aligned but I think we can do this idea of yours without anybody having to be inside the fake rhino (well, anyone human you know, har har).

    So he does that, spends a bunch of time on the fake rhino, they stick it in the enclosure. The rhino sees the thing, snorts at it, shakes its head downward a little bit, and charges the fucking thing, knocks it over, and starts stomping on it and just absolutely wrecking it in comprehensive fashion, taking this really methodical approach to breaking and stomping every little bit of the thing for quite some time to make sure it’s completely flattened and destroyed, and then when it’s done walks away to get some food.

    The two men just watch the whole operation in total silence the whole time it’s playing out, and then the mentor says to the young guy well you gave it a go, congratulations, but we still need to figure out how to get the rhino cum so please let me know what you come up with for plan B.