I don’t have anything to look forward to in life except money entering my direct deposit every two weeks and back catalogs of podcasts. I don’t even want to listen to music anymore.
I don’t have anything to look forward to in life except money entering my direct deposit every two weeks and back catalogs of podcasts. I don’t even want to listen to music anymore.
Burnout maybe? When’s the last time you took a break?
My whole life has been a break. I barely put effort into anything and if I do, it’s only enough to get it done. I have more time off than time spent working and I have nothing to do with it.
If you can find a tiny seed of passion somewhere in your life, and water it little by little, it can become a feedback loop where the bigger the seed grows, the more you want to water it, and the more you water it the more it grows, until some day you realize that your seed has grown into a tree. It’s like this with learning an instrument. The better you get, the more you want to play, and the more you play the better you get.
Treating depression is also a feedback loop. At first nothing makes you happy, and you don’t have the energy to do anything to change your situation. So you start really small. Work on it a little bit each day. Some days you just manage to shower. But over time, as you keep at it, positive changes start to accumulate, and you start to have more energy to make more positive changes, until some day you realize you’re okay.
I’m in a similar situation as yours. I work somewhat between 0 to 20 hours a week. I am not rich but have enough to get by and don’t strife for more.
One important thing is: try to not see boredom as an enemy. It’s a luxury. Sometimes I lay in hammock just looking around, doing nothing.
More important is: have hobbies. I know it’s easy said and I have barely hobbies myself. But on those days I do my hobbies, those are usually real good days. If you have no idea where to start, maybe just workout a little. Not too much, as it’ll kill any motivation later. Don’t try to enjoy it but try to embrace the bitterness.
Most important is: have social contact. I know it might be one of the most difficult things in life to find friends or people you care about. I have very few friends, all of them living in another country, so we meet maybe once in 5 years. But I have a partner and kids. But those few relationships are the most important thing in my life. If you have no place to start, try the internet. I found the letter app “slowly” nice to get to learn people. Take it slow, take time. Alternative, you can try local “hobby” places, like the gym, some sport thing, groups where people repair things, …, whatever you have the slightest interest. Don’t say “it won’t work”. Give it at least one shot before saying so.
I hope I could help! Good luck!