cw: self-harm

American medical system bitching and self-harm

$50/month medication takes the “overwhelming urge to unalive” days per month from 15/30 to 5/30

unfortunately, finding a way to deal with those last crucial 5 days is proving difficult

feel free to make suggestions if you have them, unless they’re diet and exercise and mindfulness, which I assure you are primary occupations and were locked in before I started spending +$50/mo on medication

just feeling so utterly hollowed out and trying to type instead of plot

if I can make it a month and come up with $200 3x over that month, I might come away with an autism assessment and specific recommendations for local-ish therapists and local-ish resources that could help

hopefully maybe – I live in a rural area where resources are thin

regardless, that’s not going to fix the 5 terrible days, and I would need more money for a therapist on top of the $50/mo I’m barely doing now, or the $600 between me and getting the therapist recommendations

how do I fix the 5 terrible days? if it even possible? I’ve tried to accept that maybe they won’t ever go away, but it is a bit of a hard row to hoe

and then how does one accumulate more income to afford extra shit while in this kinda state? 😂😭 we don’t, do we

never getting a pap or mammogram

just circling the drain