How do you get other people to speak with you? Usually I never know what to say in response.
Being a chatterbox hasn’t worked out too well throughout my life. Even in my second language, German, it’s evident im sort of a “parrot” when it comes to learned social phrases.
Socially exhausted right now and feeling like an alien.
Ask questions, then just listen to the answers. Nod and add the occasional ‘go on.’
People will usually let you know what excites/interest them. If someone is wearing a football jersey ask them what the best game they ever saw was.
People don’t expect you to entertain them, they just want to know that you are interested in them
That sounds simple enough for me to remember! Focusing on being a better listener is what I should be working on.
But what if there are no immediate things to talk about? What if the conversation falls flat? Do you have a 3 strikes rule before you walk away from the interaction?
Maybe I’m getting too much in my head about things. Thanks for the reassurance 😊 This community always makes me feel more secure with some of my inner concerns about socializing and my perception in the eyes of others.
If someone doesn’t want to talk, that is ok. However, people are more likely to talk if they feel listened to.
“Comfortable silence” is a thing.
And walking away is always an option. “I’m gonna see who else is here,” or “I’m going to get a drink/some fresh air” or “good talk.” are acceptable ways of ending a chat
It might help to have some examples. Are you a student talking to other students? An office worker talking to colleagues? An attempt to converse with (say) a busy clerk at a store is less likely to go well than a casual chat with someone who is also waiting in line.
And sometimes there’s genuinely nothing to talk about, and recognizing that is a useful skill.
I also have this worry constantly, but i’ve learned that there are different sorts of silences. just because it’s silent doesn’t mean it’s awkward. most people don’t care if you mess up in casual conversation.