Anyone have any advice on just kind of hating people in general less? I look at people, I know they’re huge on religious doctrines and societal models I have no place in, and I just can’t see any good in them worth considering. I try to go outside and connect with people, but everyone looks like a 4channer, or someone two slights away from becoming a 4channer. I can’t restrain the fear or loathing. It’s like the past twenty years have reduced my very capacity for compassion and my capacity to respect anyone period to molten slag.
Heteronormative society and all who uphold it fucking blow, but I’m expected to keep it in my pants re: how and when I take it out on them.
If I’m honest? My utter hatred and bone-deep contempt for white Amerika. The only compassion or empathy I still nurture is for those the Settler empire oppresses; and even that has become contingent on whether they stand against the Settler, or have cooned out and placed themselves back under His thumb. I hate living in this country, I hate being both literally and metaphorically surrounded by the tacit, oppressive philosophy and habitus of Whiteness, I hate having to pretend I don’t just to be able to clear next month’s rent in a shitty apartment I got redlined into, I hate being condescended to like I just have to accept that shit isn’t going to change in this country in my lifetime.
If I don’t make it out, if I don’t find somewhere to go where I’m not getting profiled by some cracker because I didn’t hide the texture of my hair from them, I’m going to live under the yoke of crackers, likely for the rest of my life. My nephews and nieces, since ain’t no way I’m giving this slave state more grist for its crushing wheels, they will likely live under that yoke too. And I fucking hate it.
When I say “I’m only out here for my folk” I honest-to-God mean it.