(Early 20s bi m)
This isnt a question on finding someone who’s interested, more on how to approach asking for things like sexting or even just discussing sexual topics without it coming across like thats the only thing Im interested in .
How do I ease into that kind of discussion in a way that would let me back off gracefully if I get the sense that the person I’m talking to isnt interested in that at the moment? What bridge topics could I use that are more innocuous than just dropping a “hey what are your opinions about buttfucking?” Into the conversation like a grenade.
I’d like to be able to use a lighter touch so if it seems like somebody isnt interested at the moment I could circle back when they might be more in the mood for that, or at least not ruin the non-sexual things I like about the relationship if it seems like they’re not interested at all.
I’m also fairly vanilla in terms of sexual interests, advice specific to kink would be appreciated since I’m kink-curious but isnt exactly what I’m looking for.
Ask them out. “You seem cool. Want to go on a date to see if we click?”. I recommend using the word date explicitly because several of my friends have “gone out for drinks” and then been uncertain if it was a date
On the date, if things are going well, just ask if you can kiss them. Some people have ideas about how you should just go for it but the error rate there is high, and most people prefer consent.
If that goes well, you can ask about what other things they like. The context and mood will be appropriate.
Don’t be a pen pal on the dating apps. Just ask them out.