(Early 20s bi m)
This isnt a question on finding someone who’s interested, more on how to approach asking for things like sexting or even just discussing sexual topics without it coming across like thats the only thing Im interested in .
How do I ease into that kind of discussion in a way that would let me back off gracefully if I get the sense that the person I’m talking to isnt interested in that at the moment? What bridge topics could I use that are more innocuous than just dropping a “hey what are your opinions about buttfucking?” Into the conversation like a grenade.
I’d like to be able to use a lighter touch so if it seems like somebody isnt interested at the moment I could circle back when they might be more in the mood for that, or at least not ruin the non-sexual things I like about the relationship if it seems like they’re not interested at all.
I’m also fairly vanilla in terms of sexual interests, advice specific to kink would be appreciated since I’m kink-curious but isnt exactly what I’m looking for.
Ask them out. “You seem cool. Want to go on a date to see if we click?”. I recommend using the word date explicitly because several of my friends have “gone out for drinks” and then been uncertain if it was a date
On the date, if things are going well, just ask if you can kiss them. Some people have ideas about how you should just go for it but the error rate there is high, and most people prefer consent.
If that goes well, you can ask about what other things they like. The context and mood will be appropriate.
Don’t be a pen pal on the dating apps. Just ask them out.
Hey, so, err, you ever seen those mammals on the Discovery Channel?
… are you saying you’re into vore?
40 yo Here: be open, honest and respectful. “Hey would you be interested in getting to know each other closer?” “I think you’re very attractive and I enjoy the time with , you” “I wish to kiss you, would that be good for you?”
Yeah, I totally agree. Honest communication is sexy.
It basically sounds like you’re asking how to flirt - I’d at least start there if you’re not already
I’ve looked into “how to flirt” a bit but none of the stuff I’ve found really fits with how I approach conversations. So I figured trying to ask in a more analytical framework might work to get advice that I’d be better at using
The person in particular I have in mind I met through hinge so I know there’s some level of interest. my current life situation makes meeting people in person for going on dates or visiting for a movie and cuddling logistically harder (in parent’s basement while I’m looking for a job). Though even if it weren’t a logistical pain in the ass Id still want ways to let my freak flag fly more so I wrote the question in a more general tone
I was in my parents attic with a job waiting to save enough for a house. I just asked a girl out on a date. I stopped worrying about being at home as I had a valid reason to be there. I moved back in from out of state and didn’t have much saved up. But I just talked with the girl. My point being you are more worried about your status than she will be, and you are trying to force being charming. The only thing you need to force is keeping yourself from saying something that Louis CK would. Just chat. And be honest.
Its not the status, its the logistics
My difficulty is that the house I live at is a hoarder house and literally doesnt have the physical space to comfortably exist outside of bedrotting
Also its out in the middle of nowhere with a 30+ minute drive to anywhere interesting. With me not having a drivers license.
These are the main things in the way here and they’ll be solved eventually. But they can’t be solved quickly so I’m looking for ways to triage the lonley despiration in the meantime and for ways to make the most of the sparce opportunities I am able to get
i believe you replied from the wrong account, fyi
I’d just ask her/him out. Flirt irl, it’s easier to read the person
Flirt and it will come naturally if they respond well. I like to mention Mojo Upgrade when I get positive results from flirting. It’s interesting enough to hook in a person and the results can then be discussed further, leading to more flirting. It’s also innocent enough to completely ignore doing it. I got multiple people to do the test with me by just mentioning how it works. At the end of the day, people are curious beings.
Being smooth works too. I had a best friend mention that she would love a magic counter floating next to dudes that shows their dick size. So I hit her with “wanna know what mine would say?” and got a positive response.
Be the opposite of horny, don’t be a creep, don’t be desperate. People like talking about sexual stuff too, but they need to feel comfortable. Getting consent works well too, as does dropping small hints. One of my successful moves is “can I ask you a question, and if you don’t want to answer we forget I ever asked?” and going for something that is very obviously sexual, but not extreme.
Ok - you met on Hinge so you have at least some assurance that they are looking for a physical relationship, yes? But they have not brought it up with you yet? You are into them and do want sex if they are down but like them in other ways so would like to be friends if not?
Maybe just touch them physically a little and see what response you get, if you are having trouble finding words? Hold hands?
Sort of an aside from OP’s original question, but when I was dating, I’d find ways to initiate light physical touch, like complimenting rings/nails to touch their hands, short contact with the elbow or back. Something to gauge their response without overwhelming their personal space.
My advice is that you don’t explicitly talk about this with someone who you wr flirting with. Once you are a sexual partner sure, but not before.
Before that it is much more about compatibility, mutual attraction. Post kissing you can talk about the details sure, but before that it’s more non-verbal, it’s about expressing your attraction. If you initiate the sexual talk beforehand it comes across as if you are in a meat market which most people I have come across tend to turn away from.
But that is just my 2 cents on that matter, hope it helps.
Compliment their physical appearance and the clothes that they wear. This can sometimes lead to discussion on their part of some of their body parts.
