I’m in a situation where in my family I’m the one who’s going to be taking care of my parents as they get older because my only sibling (older) is entirely unreliable and financially unstable.
Then my fiance is ALSO being expected to take up that responsibility because all her siblings went and had 2-4 kids and “can’t afford” or “won’t have time” to help take care of her mother who is already aging.
So we’re having to plan ahead as 25 and 30 year olds to be able to help and support 3 elders. This basically defaults us to not being able to have kids.
My girlfriend is taking care of her parents with her father having a couple of weeks to live and her mother being so anxious that she can’t be trusted to take care of him (give him morphine, start preparing a second dose thinking she didn’t give him his dose yet, change his fentanyl patch and doesn’t remove the old one)… Her sisters are pretty much nowhere to be found, as if their boyfriends were unable to take care of the kids for one fucking evening.
They’ll let their father die a painful death without seeing him, but at least they will have enjoyed the last few days of the ski season!
Then my fiance is ALSO being expected to take up that responsibility because all her siblings went and had 2-4 kids and “can’t afford” or “won’t have time” to help take care of her mother who is already aging.
Your fiance’s siblings are stupid for turning down the free live-in childcare.
An elderly person verging on disabled and one day probably will be, also with what looks like developing early onset dementia probably doesn’t make for good childcare
Someone with dimensia is great for occupying a toddler/young child though! When I visited some family my at the time 3 year old and my grandmother and her sister in law spent 2 hours setting the table because they kept having to re-count how many people they have, how many places they have set, and kept confusing each other and having to get it all straight again. They all seemed to enjoy the time together and it was fun to watch it all unfold
I appreciate you trying to find the silver lining but holy fuck that’s very late stage capitalism and grim on its own. “Just let your dementia-afflicted elders care for your children, they have pretty much the same cognitive function!”
You don’t understand with how little kids can get by. Yep, it’s not ideal, but it’s mostly a mindset issue, of course you want the best of the best for your children, and not some suboptimal situation. It’s also fine to let your parents survive on their own, you never have an obligation to take care of them.
All he (and I) is saying that everything is a choice. You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to get new clothes for your children, toys, etc etc. You don’t have to make sure your parents live comfortably.
Yes, it’s not easy to think another way, but it’s possible.
I fucking feel this.
I’m in a situation where in my family I’m the one who’s going to be taking care of my parents as they get older because my only sibling (older) is entirely unreliable and financially unstable.
Then my fiance is ALSO being expected to take up that responsibility because all her siblings went and had 2-4 kids and “can’t afford” or “won’t have time” to help take care of her mother who is already aging.
So we’re having to plan ahead as 25 and 30 year olds to be able to help and support 3 elders. This basically defaults us to not being able to have kids.
Just don’t help them. It’s their fault for not planning ahead. You already paid them with your love
My girlfriend is taking care of her parents with her father having a couple of weeks to live and her mother being so anxious that she can’t be trusted to take care of him (give him morphine, start preparing a second dose thinking she didn’t give him his dose yet, change his fentanyl patch and doesn’t remove the old one)… Her sisters are pretty much nowhere to be found, as if their boyfriends were unable to take care of the kids for one fucking evening.
They’ll let their father die a painful death without seeing him, but at least they will have enjoyed the last few days of the ski season!
Fuck thats grim. I assume home nursing is not a financial possibility? I’m really sorry to hear about yours and hers situation.
Your fiance’s siblings are stupid for turning down the free live-in childcare.
An elderly person verging on disabled and one day probably will be, also with what looks like developing early onset dementia probably doesn’t make for good childcare
Someone with dimensia is great for occupying a toddler/young child though! When I visited some family my at the time 3 year old and my grandmother and her sister in law spent 2 hours setting the table because they kept having to re-count how many people they have, how many places they have set, and kept confusing each other and having to get it all straight again. They all seemed to enjoy the time together and it was fun to watch it all unfold
I appreciate you trying to find the silver lining but holy fuck that’s very late stage capitalism and grim on its own. “Just let your dementia-afflicted elders care for your children, they have pretty much the same cognitive function!”
Or like, you could just have kids. Don’t Darwin yourself over the stupidity of others
you don’t understand how fucking expensive children are i guess.
You don’t understand with how little kids can get by. Yep, it’s not ideal, but it’s mostly a mindset issue, of course you want the best of the best for your children, and not some suboptimal situation. It’s also fine to let your parents survive on their own, you never have an obligation to take care of them.
All he (and I) is saying that everything is a choice. You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to get new clothes for your children, toys, etc etc. You don’t have to make sure your parents live comfortably.
Yes, it’s not easy to think another way, but it’s possible.
That IS NOT HOW STOICISM WORKS.
Stoicism is a philosophy of empathy and helping others, NOT the rejection of it.