I need serious help, comrades. I thought I was doing better, maybe I was lying to myself, maybe I’m insane, I don’t know.
All I know is I’ve spent far too much money on drugs, doing them super often, and in places I shouldn’t be. Anything I could afford.
I’m so down and so dysfunctional that I am struggling to hold down jobs or do much of anything without the aid of being fucked up. Last night I got so demolished (ketamine + weed) that I couldn’t function around my girlfriend. It was embarrassing. I was having full on schizophrenic like experiences and the worst self esteem issues I’ve ever experienced and I realized that I was fucking my life and body up and headed down a very dark path. Said some embarrassing shit too.
I feel like such a loser. Not for finally getting help but for where I put myself and just I don’t know
I’m sorry everyone
If anyone has anything inspirational or anything to say I’d appreciate it because I’m in a spiral right now
I still feel like I’m in the void
Is this forever because it feels like it’s already been forever
Yeah, I am sure when things are better I will look back with disgust at my lifestyle now.
That is probably true. I just have been fucked up for most of my waking hours for a while now so it’s hard to remember what it was like not feeling permanently fried.
All I can personally recommend is guided “body scan” meditations and stream of consciousness journalling. But any activity that helps you ground to reality would be helpful.
Enjoy this meme that I’ve found funny when struggling with mental illness as a communist:
Stealing as I cackle and rub my hands
I use hexbear too much for this lmfao