This keeps showing up on my feed and Idk what to type.

Ever since I left high school, my life feels so monotonous, like all my life has come down to now is work, college, college work, and free time that is either wasted or spent trying to deal with my thoughts. I’m not all doom and gloom, and some days, I almost feel normal or content.

Materially, I’m great, and I will always be thankful to my parents and grandparents for sacrificing so much to give me a life where even back when we were poorer, I never felt like I lacked anything.

I honestly don’t even know why I feel like shit so often— I like to think I’m no longer that sad, bitter, pathetic, ugly loser I was throughout elementary and middle school, who was bullied and then became an asshole. I’ve mended my relationship with my dad, who I’ve had a shit ton of conflict with throughout my life, I even became fitter and all— I’ve gotten over many of the major causes of my issues in life, yet I still feel like I’m missing something.

Do I need to free myself from loneliness? Do I need to stop living in the past? Do I need to forgive myself for dumb or bad shit I did when I was younger? Do I need adventure or risk in my life, something new? Is it because I’m privileged that shit is like this? Lot of questions.

Even after typing this, Idk how to put whatever it is I’ve been feeling these last few months into words, and I also don’t know if this wall of text makes any sense or if it’s just nonsensical ramblings.

gay

Not feeling to great the passed two days, but better overall. I think getting back to the gym a lot; reading Mao’s thoughts on physical education is very enlightening.

Pretty good.

Not sure if it’s an emotion, but tired