Things have been super mixed for me recently. My now-ex and I broke up shortly after I came out, but we promised to stay best friends. But she recently did something that left me feeling really betrayed, in a “this will probably end our friendship” kind of way. And when that happened, I realized that there aren’t any cishet people who knew me pretransition and aren’t in my family who haven’t quietly cut ties or hurt me. And that really hurts.

But on another level I feel so happy with myself. My gf and I were playing heavily modded Skyrim and we came upon a modded quest we didn’t know about that involved helping a trans woman magically transition. And it was well written in a way that told me this was absolutely written by a transfem. And I had the startling realization that at this point, I wouldn’t use her spell myself. It’d be nice to have easy bottom surgery but like, I’m comfortable with where my body is now besides that. I’m even comfortable with my voice that I decided not to train. And god, that’s such a nice feeling, to be out of the hell that is early transition and in a better place re: my self image. I feel alive in a way I never had before