I recently stopped watching porn after doing some reading on proletarian/marxist feminism. This article in particular was really good imo: https://proletarianfeminist.medium.com/a-socialist-feminist-and-transgender-analysis-of-sex-work-b08aaf1ee4ab

I was wondering if anyone else is in a similar boat? Porn is a powerful drug and it can be really difficult to give it up if you’re addicted (which I am unfortunately). Is anyone willing to share their porn-free journey and give some advice and tips?

  • Navaryn@lemmygrad.ml
    62·
    2 years ago

    btw, does anyone have experience with quitting porn when porn is the only way to experience the things that actually turn you on? I would NEVER do to a woman the shit i’m into, niche porn sites are the only places where i can find that kind of stuff while also being able to lie to myself by saying “this is ok because i am not actually doing it”.

    Obviously it’s still horribly bad and wrong on so many levels, but i feel like i have no other option. I have no issues getting partners but sex within socially accepted boundaries just does nothing for me. And i genuinely fear that if i try to repress it all, i will eventually lose control.

    i have postponed dealing with this for years, i really don’t know what to do

    • mrshll1001@lemmygrad.ml
      5·
      2 years ago

      I haven’t got direct experience of this comrade, but I wanted to respond to your comment as a few things jumped out at me.

      First, I think there may be a contradiction in your comment. At first you said the following:

      I would NEVER do to a woman the shit i’m into

      But then in the next paragraph you say:

      And i genuinely fear that if i try to repress it all, i will eventually lose control.

      From the outside looking in, this implies to me that the former statement is not entirely true, and you foresee some circumstances which may lead to you “losing control”? Does this mean that you acknowledge or believe that you actually could “do to a woman” the things you’re viewing in porn? I would perhaps sit down and think and be very honest with yourself about whether or not you believe there is a risk of you doing these things to a person.

      Secondly, I notice you don’t seem to present an understanding of why you get aroused by these things which you imply are more extreme. Without knowing anything specific about the material you’re viewing or your life leading to this point, I can only offer some summarised and synthesised advice.

      • Begin with a reflective process on what’s lead you to view the material or have the kinks/desires you have. I would personally suggest doing this as a timeline exercise on each: the development of what you find arousing; and the history of your porn use and the type of content you’re viewing. If there is significant overlap between the two at key junctions or turning points then it suggests that what you’ve experienced is the classic pipeline of getting drawn towards more and more extreme stimulus via exposure to increasingly extreme porn. This is well understood as a process and I think even some high-level reading about it would allow you to determine whether your desires and arousal have been hijacked and lead down this path, or whether they’re coming from somewhere else (obviously it could be a mixture of the two). As well as a timeline, you could perhaps try to summarise or explain your desires/kinks to yourself with written words. You might have a good understanding of these already, but in case you don’t it might be good to start understanding the shape of them and how you would communicate or explain them to others if forced to. Be both specific and general, forcing yourself to understand the low-level details as well as summarise and abstract to try and understand general trends.
      • Depending on the outcomes of the above process, investigate seeking help with porn addiction or some therapy. This isn’t to kink-shame necessarily, but you say things like “repress” and “lose control”. I think the best thing to do here is talk honestly and openly with someone who has training to frame and steer the conversation. I am aware that in the imperial core, mental health services and frameworks can be problematic but I think that it’s probably better to start somewhere and begin the journey of addressing the problems and experiences you have.
      • Simultaneous to the above, it may be a good idea to seek out some peer-support groups around porn addiction. I think this may present other risks since — as other comrades note in this thread — there are reactionary approaches and frameworks which also deal with stopping to use. But the goal would be to see other people discussing the effects and experiences of porn use and see if these align with your own experiences and begin to recontextualise your own use of the material.
      • If appropriate, there may also be peer-support spaces on the topics of managing and dealing with the specific material and desires you have; whether they’re informed by pornography or coming from somewhere else.

      Lastly, I do want to say that struggling with something like this must be awful and not to beat yourself up too much, because it seems like you’ve acknowledged that viewing the materials you’re viewing is still indeed harmful. To me this implies that you’ve taken a very important first step and the challenge for you now is actually doing something about it. I also want to apologise if this comes across as kink-shaming; I am basing my assumption on the fact that you’re concerned about the material you’re watching and that the tone of your post implies that some of the acts are explicitly quite violent towards women.

      Good luck comrade

      • Navaryn@lemmygrad.ml
        51·
        2 years ago

        Thanks for the time you took to answer me - yeah, i see the contradiction, and it lies in the fact that in life i do consider myself as a sensitive and very empathetic person. On a conscious level i really am the last person to want to hurt people. But i have heard and read the stories of people who ended up doing really despicable shit, and aside from the purely psychopathic ones they all talk about knowing it was wrong and yet being unable to control themselves because of the pressure building up.

        So that is just something i am afraid of, not something that i think WILL happen. As of now i guess we got lucky enough that i also ended up with enough sanity to avoid ever even considering the idea of acting out any fantasy.

        As of the why i get aroused by what i do, as i said in another comment it just has always been like that. I don’t know if there was a trigger or if i was just born like this. I really hate using the clinical term for what i (think i) am, it makes me feel like a monster, but being blunt… I just like the idea of hurting people to a point where it can in no way be done consensually or even legally. I can’t even begin to explain how much i hate even writing it.

        Honestly i know that the logical next step is to see a therapist. I have never done nor watched anything illegal, so logically i could still be “cured” without any real damage done to anyone. Yet the thought of actually telling this to a real person, while giving away my name and face, just terrifies me. Relatively “normal” bdsm or harscore porn has allowed me to “postpone” the issue so far, but it is not in any way sustainable. And i know how massively fucked up the porn industry is.

        This post and all the comments made me really think about how porn, specially the kind i watch, is completely against my values, but i don’t know where to start. So i really appreciate that you took the time to write out a blueprint i can try to follow.

        If this was reddit i would use the RemindMe command 6 months for now, I’ll just save this thread for now

    • CannotSleep420@lemmygrad.ml
      3·
      2 years ago

      I would NEVER do to a woman the shit i’m into, niche porn sites are the only places where i can find that kind of stuff while also being able to lie to myself by saying “this is ok because i am not actually doing it”.

      Considering the effect porn has on people, there’s a good chance the situation is more the reverse: instead of wanting to do fucked up shit driving you to look at porn, you’re driven to want to do fucked up shit because of porn. I don’t know your circumstances so I can’t say for sure, but that is a thing porn tends to do to people.

      • Navaryn@lemmygrad.ml
        41·
        2 years ago

        I wish that were true because it would make it possible to go on a “detox” journey and get rid of everything, but the fantasies i have started pretty much as soon as puberty kicked in - long before i had access to porn, let alone the tech and english skills to search for very specific content

    • Yang Wen-li@lemmygrad.ml
      2·
      2 years ago

      I’d have to think on it. I have similar feelings, and I know others who have expressed the same thoughts.

      Personally I have come to accept it is what it is. I’m not sure if my fetishes are as strong, they definitely have become a default, but I do revert to normal stuff time to time.

      Journaling, I find, helps me to understand why I am turned on by these odd and grotesque fetishes. So far, I think the very grotesqueness of the fetish is a turn on. The fact I’m repulsed by it is the turn on. I know it sounds contradictory, but that is the best I can put it.