I’m mostly lowkey at the world as a general vibe nowadays. I’m trying to cultivate a productive mindset of revolutionary optimism in order to combat the feelings of hopelessness that the state of things are swamping me with, but having a hard time accomplishing anything because my brain feels too scattered to stay on the tasks I want to get done. There’s been a lot of productive procrastination, but it always leaves me feeling hollow when my real goals don’t get any closer. I keep coming up with projects that I think would help with keeping me on task, but worry they’re just me looking for a new project so I can avoid working on the ones I really should be focusing on. In nerd speak: I really wish I could do a mass kage bunshin and delegate all the tasks constantly bouncing around in my head to the different clones of me, because ultimately, there’s just not enough me or enough time.

Unfortunately, everyone in my life is a lib so there’s nobody I can really talk to about things and connect with in offline spaces anymore and I don’t feel comfortable getting into specifics online. I’m a middle aged cishet white guy who doesn’t really have it that bad all things considered, but time is passing me by too fast and I worry, that my dwindling bank account will bottom out or the universe will swallow me back up into the nothingness, before I’ll be able to do anything helpful for those who come after me. Oh, and did I mention I have an overinflated ego? 😅

Thanks for asking though, really. Nothing you can do, but was good to get that out.