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Talk about what’s happening queerly in your life - like coming out, getting HRT, questioning, and all that good stuff.
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So a week or two ago I was talking to my therapist about how I’ve had the urge to express more “soft” emotion which may or may not have come through in some of my posting here
Anyway I talked about how wrong it felt to express that as the person I am currently. Like I want to squee over cute things and lavish affection on people I care about but it makes me feel like such a goober, like it’s uniquely ill-suited to me. I asked if that sounded like gender dysphoria and she was like “yeah pretty much lol”. I think it’s the first concrete instance of that I can express, which is nice in some ways that I can put a finger on it, but it’s putting a finger on something negative :/
Another one I just thought of recently was smiling. I hate when I smile involuntarily, I feel so idiotic and ugly when I do it. Maybe that’s just normal low self esteem tho 🙃
the last part of this reminds me a bit of unlearning the typical guy head nod. the common consensus in trans spaces and just watching cis friends is a smile or even a lil waive. it definitely felt unusual at first but these softer things can become second nature before you know it
Gender dysphoria is a weirdly validating but sucky thing. Obviously I hate having dysphoria, it happens all the time wirh me. it’s fucking awful and annoying but also validating in that, clearly doing trans things alleviates it, which makes me feel like I’m not making the wrong decision by pursuing transition
“Like I want to squee over cute things and lavish affection on people I care about but it makes me feel like such a goober, like it’s uniquely ill-suited to me”.
Oh look, it’s me
Hey me, it’s me!
Guymoding for a week has made me feel so fucking weird and confused. Like I’m way less confident in my transness than I was before I left to see family. Honestly just feeling disgusted with myself
You did what you had to do to protect yourself.
Thank you. Fwiw I’m Watchung my brother essentially have a bunch of pre-marriage stuff happen and I’m like really repulsed by the idea of being someone’s husband or boyfriend which I guess is validating haha
it’s the last queer thread of the year
hope everyone is doing well!
I hope you are doing well too!!! 🥰🥰🥰
Conflicted. My sister was trying to be supportive and asking if I had a boyfriend, but as soon as she got drunk she made some homophobic remarks. At least she’s trying.
Ok I matched with a girl on a dating app. We haven’t met yet but I think we’re gonna this Friday, she’s looking for queer community so I’m inviting my friend too because I feel like she’d quickly join our friend group. But also I’m feeling very gay feelings for her based on just our conversation lol
Ooooo sounds like a fun time
Today (Dec 30th) officially marks the end of my fourth week on HRT. Haven’t noticed too many changes physically, mentally, or emotionally. My skin feels softer i think but that may be placebo and i swear the redness on my legs and thighs is starting to clear up in splotches but that could be me noticing things that have always been there…
Anyway this entire month I’ve been really craving some trans and queer focused content (and shitposts) that isn’t just video essays (i do love video essays i just feel like something more easily digested) but I’m not sure where to look.
I rewatched The Bisexual but that’s pretty much it. Feeling like I might just reread Nevada for the hell of it.
Oh, I just cannot help myself. Have you also read all of the weird books that Nevada inadvertently spawned??
No but I’d love to!
Do you have recommendations?
Books directly descended from Nevada: Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters. It has differing core themes (queer parenthood) but it basically continues the spirit of Nevada, which is “surly damaged trans woman bitches for 300 pages about how everything sucks in New York”. It’s enjoyable I think, I like Reese as a protagonist and Ames is equally sympathetic and infuriating to watch pretend to be a dude.
Books stylistically very similar to Nevada:
Little Fish by Casey Plett, which is similar but set in Alberta (or something Idk
) and follows Wendy through her weird relationship with having been raised Mennonite.Otros Valles by Jamie Berrout. The yin to Nevada’s yang, featuring direct intertext and one of the only trams women of colour I’ve seen author a novel about being trans and not white. Very rad.
Books tangentially related to Nevada:
Little Blue Encyclopedia by Hazel Jane Plante: Narrator recounts the life of her deceased and beloved friend Vivian, through an encyclopedia of things from her favourite in-universe TV show, and it’s the best pining-for-a-straight-girl I have ever read.
Tell Me I’m Worthless by Alison Rumfitt: Here’s a book where Nevada’s blog-lecture style clashes horribly against a horror tale with a really simple theme about the British being fash. I thought it was awful but you might like it?
Manhunt by Gretchen Felker-Martin: Check the content warnings on Storygraph, this book is an absolute hot mess, paced weirdly and reads like an unhinged trauma dump. But, its focus on assimilation and queer community building makes it worth engaging with for strong-stomached readers.
That’s all the books with sorta-ties to Nevada I can think of, I have a lot more novels with trans wlw as leads hanging out too though. (Read The Last Girl Scout by Natalie Ironside!!!)
Thank you!! I’ll definitely check some of these out.
for anyone else interested in Otros Valles, it took a tiny bit of digging to find because the author seems to have disappeared online, I’ll supply a link through DMs
Hi! Jamie Berrout made a really intentional decision to drop off the internet. I think its important to respect her wishes and not spread her work too widely. Me and @ashinadash@hexbear.net have had some conversations about it in the past. Interested in hearing your thoughts.
I say this as a total hypocrite who spent years looking for ‘Otros Valles’ too @.@
I think it’d be better to have it available to anyone that wants it now that it’s unavailable commercially afaik, but I’ll take the link down for now.
She never really had it available commercially. It’s tough trying to pick the right thing to do here. It feels important to me to advocate for her self-deletion, but I’m not going to begrudge you for coming to a different conclusion.
I just don’t want to lie to myself anymore but I have no idea what the truth is. It’s so frightening to think about talking to anyone but my online friends about it even though I’m surrounded by positive people. I think I need to look into therapy and figure things out. (Apologies to Sonic if I turn out to be cishet.
)Did estrogen actually sharpen anybody else’s jawline? Face looks a bit more feminine but in an androgynous but still extremely male masculine model type of way with prominent cheekbones, sharp jawline but soft features elsewhere :/ Think it’s cause the fat transfer?
Gonna start telling sigma males that they need to take E to become more masculine and have sharper jaws
How long have you been on E?
Half year. My face was starting to look more round a few months ago but last month my face thinned out super hard and my ass got massive so I think fat redistribution haha
Oh wow haha well keep giving it time lots of stuff happens through puberty. Things are probably gonna move around a hit. Congrats on the ass though I can’t wait myself
Gotta make em do the spinny thing too
I can tell I’m not reading the required amount of sapphic things when
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my moodswings get out of control
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I start reading thru really bad yuri manga if someone mentions it
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I antagonise queer libs by saying things like “The US is an illegitimate failed state built on the backs of slaves, genocidal bloodshed and stolen land” appropos of nothing
I must feed my desire for fictional gayness or risk becoming more dysfunctional.
must feed my desire for fictional gayness or risk becoming more dysfunctional.
Same but w BL
What is this mood-altering addiction to gay shit that we share?
Idk but I’m happy to have found another person, I genuinely notice a difference in my mood in a week where I do read BL from a week in which I don’t
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Posting again to get out a small dilemma I’ve been having internally.
There’s a name that I want to make my chosen name, but it wouldn’t fit into my culture traditionally. I’ve been ruminating on it for a bit, but the other thing is that I don’t think I really care much about my ethnic culture. I’m also not even sure I want to fully come out to my parents/family if I can avoid it. But choosing a name that’s a bit more anglo when I’m hispanic feels kinda weird in a way? Idk.
Any other trans bipoc go through something similar? I’d love to hear about y’all’s thoughts on this.
edit: huh after posting this I realized my girlfriend’s sisters both have more anglo names despite also being hispanic. maybe I’m worrying about this too much
“It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out”
Hits in a lot of different ways
I still have a very dumb but huge crush on the libbest possible chick conceivable. It’s really annoying, I haven’t felt like this since like high school. I don’t know what the fuck sparked it, I haven’t even seen her face (she hides it/censors it in pics which I understand as a fellow trans girl). Wish I could say more about it other than being frustrated it’s happening lmao
We started just bickering and arguing about stuff but eventually it went from mocking and insults to more playful teasing. Like legit contempt bred familiarity like a reverse fucking idiom lol
I’m proof reading her homework and checking it… how did this happen
When u try to get dialectical with her but shes a lib
My friends keep asking me if I’m flirting with them
Well, yeah, I am but you weren’t supposed to notice
