I have a couple of older relatives who only communicate via phone call and I hate talking on the phone. My other relatives don’t stay in contact as often as I do, so I feel bad not reaching out and keeping them company.
Do you have any strategies to manage the energy drain from phone calls?
Well this wasn’t entirely intentional but after giving one word answers to everything for decades they just don’t stay on the phone that long with me 😭
In my defence I’m not an asshole, just shy and barely speak the same language as my family.
I’m so awful to talk to and so outspokenly against the world and against life that I don’t have this problem.
i’ve found voiping on my pc at my desk is more tolerable than talking on an actual phone
Take literal note of things that you see that you think they may find interesting. This way when the time comes it may feel like less effort because you have a reason behind the call and they’ll hopefully enjoy the things you have to share. Plus, they’ll appreciate knowing that you’re thinking about them when you’re not talking.
If you care about these older relatives you’ll talk to them on their medium of choice.
And if you don’t it’s even more simple. 👍
I just don’t answer and always have my phone on silent. If someone actually has something important to say they will send a message. I have lost my feelbads for doing the mandatory phone calls long ago after I started doing this.
But, my older relatives who always called are all long gone now, I did talk to them on the phone, but not always. My go-to was saying I was busy and calling back at a time that felt more ok for me so I could mentally prepare for it.
And I have told them that I don’t like talking on the phone, that I would rather talk to them in person.
I also have to do a lot of calls at work. I hate it, but I try to schedule them for days when I have space and bandwidth for them and I do them all in one go after a fair amount of procrastination. The workmates who love calling I condition to not doing that by never answering them the first time and pretending I was busy, they too send a message if it’s actually important.
Why do you dislike talking on the phone? For me it’s because I use more cognitive energy trying to understand speech due to auditory processing issues. It also really stresses me out to be expected to spontaneously socialize at the moment my phone erupts with an alarm. I like video calls better because reading lips helps me understand speech, and I prefer pre-scheduled calls near the end of the day so there’s a generally consistent expectation of how long the call will last. I also make sure I have stuff nearby to fidget with because it helps me ground/regulate while socializing.
I get stressed out because I’m trying to hear what the person is saying and if I listen quietly, they can’t see me nodding and paying attention. So I have to consciously add verbal confirmations that I hear them and I’m paying attention.
I think I need to fidget, but it’s also just not being sure how to convey I’m paying attention. I think I’ll ask my relatives to bear this in mind; that I’m listening even if you don’t hear me saying ‘uh huh’.
I find it a little easier using a wireless headset, that way I can either lay down to talk and/or look things up while talking.
