Like holy shit no I’m not. I wish I could film myself all day every day because I know I talk fucking strange, make weird facial expressions, walk funny, move my head weird, etc., all things I want to work on, because I know people look at me like I’m a fucking alien, because these are all things I should have smoothed out by the time I was like 13 but fucking didn’t.

I know there isn’t really anything wrong with me, but when I listen to the way I talk, see the way I behave in the wild, etc., I am exactly someone who I would be embarrassed to be around. I know that’s shitty of me, that I would be embarrassed to be around someone, but idk what to tell you.

Even when I’ve been awake for a couple days and say some fucking bizarre shit to someone they’re like “Oh no you’re fine you talk normal” NO I DON’T.

Are these people concerned about being ableist or something? Because it’s even more ableist to fucking coddle me and lie to me when I’m trying to figure out why (generally) nobody likes me.

  • albigu@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
    14·
    5 months ago

    I think the disconnect comes from the double meaning of weird. You can be “makes people uncomfortable” weird, but you can also be “it’s fine” weird, and the distinction for those is heavily subjective from the perspective of the other person.

    From the way you write, you clearly find yourself the “uncomfortable” kind of weird, but that doesn’t mean your peers feel the same way, even if they agree that you’re odd.

    So they might err on the side of caution with “you’re fine” because good luck engaging in a thorough conversation over the meanings of words with sober neurotypical people.

    So there are three main options for this kind of answer:

    1. They think you talk weird in a way that makes them uncomfortable, but don’t want to tell you because they think this is rude (this is always the worst case scenario if you don’t have the allistic mind reader implant);

    2. They think you talk weird in a way that’s benign, maybe even endearing or interesting, but either only understand the “uncomfortable” meaning (and therefore you don’t match their concept of “weird”), or don’t want to put in the effort to explain the nuance.

    3. Your behaviour patterns don’t actually deviate that much from the standard of normality to an outside viewer, and you’re projecting your thoughts about yourself on them. This is more likely than you think as you’re the only person who has to live in your own skin 24/7.

    Edit: just to make it clear, it’s even possible that you’re perceived as all three between different sets of people.