I’m fucking aggravated I went to the gay bar because it’s the only bar in this shit hole city with an even mildly clubby vide and the dance floor was completely empty and I got hit on by a guy old enough to be my dad which at the time was amusing but now I’m like wtf even gay men are men? Dumb fucking guppies I guess I have to drive the hour and a half to philly just for a dance floor ridiculous
maybe my town (or me lmao) is just asocial but I read as pretty straight and masc and nobody’s ever said shit to me, let alone hit on me, its not unreasonable to assume it was genuine. Not the point but I wish people would hit on me at gay bars lol
If I went to a gay bar and nobody hit on me I would demand a refund
Sorry but they don’t offer refunds or exchanges on your sexuality. You’re gonna have to learn to embrace it.
So there’s a trend and idk if it has carried over to the younger generations of queer men but back when homophobia came with a lot more violence and things like evictions and terminations (not to mention bachelorette parties where women in straight relationships would go as tourists to use queer people as accessories and to flaunt the fact that they could get married while queer people were legally excluded from this) gay men in particular would clock the straight men and basically put them to the test - they would come on really strongly and observe your reaction. If you got aggressive or violent then you’d get kicked out and banned before you could cause serious trouble elsewhere where the bartenders and bouncers might not be ready at hand. If you got uncomfortable then they’d lean into that and make you more uncomfortable because, basically, there’s no need to tell someone that they are unwelcome here when you can make them feel deeply unwelcome instead. Saves repeat visits that way too because you almost certainly aren’t going to come back for another round.
The last two options are that you are polite and respectful, and you either decline their advances (in which case most of the time they’ll quickly ease off) or you’ll reciprocate. Either way, congratulations - you just passed the vibe check!
Look at me giving away trade secrets like this (pun intended).
But yeah, he might have just been trying his luck too.
It was his second time at the bar and he was genuinely looking for a relationship. He was a super interesting guy and I liked talking to him. But he was literally twice my age I was just a little shocked.
Haha yeah, gay men’s hookup/pickup culture is very… forward. I think there’s much less constraints that are imposed by broader societal expectations within the community - there’s a very laissez-faire attitude towards people’s romantic and sexual preferences, and towards pursuing these.
I’m stealth pansexual and always have been. I’m not masculine-acting in a self-conscious sort of way but I think I come off as a typical guy who’s a bit nerdy or kinda plain - basically a just like a typical guy you’d encounter in an office work sort of job. I know how to ping on a guy’s gaydar if I want to get their attention but even it’s not uncommon for queer guys to give me the really?? look.
Whenever I’ve been in an opposite-gender relationship or encounter with a cishet woman, they’ve always been a bit dumbstruck by how unconstrained I am with regards to sexuality. Not in a creepy or inappropriate way but just like a very forthright and unconcerned way. Internally, whenever this happens to me I always think to myself “Are the straights okay??”
I think that the queer community, especially white cis queer men, have undergone a fair bit of “renovation” in more recent years since becoming accepted into mainstream society and culture so there might be a bit of a generational gap where older queer guys are much more aligned to this old school queer culture whereas people of your age might be a bit more… how to put it? Conservative kinda sucks to use in these terms but maybe mainstream, on account of being less ostracised by the community at large. No shade on either side of that equation, it just is what it is.