I decided that I didn’t want to be miserable for the rest of days; that somewhere, there had to be people like me out there to fix the painful hole in my self left from my life prior to 2020 amid the increasingly sociopathic apathy writ large that is utterly smothering me. I was beginning to lose all hope- I’m disabled, and the world clearly wants me and people like me dead. This was always the case, I suppose, but any pretense is gone and it’s a little overwhelming to see so abruptly. On the whole we are, factually speaking, losing, and on so many fronts not even related to public health, which is equally terrifying; but there are people out there who won’t call me a burden, there are people who won’t make light of the accommodations I need to survive, who won’t abandon me like everyone else in the world- the old world- has. It is transformative to finally understand the work needed to free myself from this permanent cloud hanging ominously above me every time I think about what once was. It is over, and there is only what is and will be. I can mourn this, but there is always work to be done. If it’s just 1% of the population who is with me… that’s still a lot of people. I just need to find them, and I can do that.
I decided that I didn’t want to be miserable for the rest of days; that somewhere, there had to be people like me out there to fix the painful hole in my self left from my life prior to 2020 amid the increasingly sociopathic apathy writ large that is utterly smothering me. I was beginning to lose all hope- I’m disabled, and the world clearly wants me and people like me dead. This was always the case, I suppose, but any pretense is gone and it’s a little overwhelming to see so abruptly. On the whole we are, factually speaking, losing, and on so many fronts not even related to public health, which is equally terrifying; but there are people out there who won’t call me a burden, there are people who won’t make light of the accommodations I need to survive, who won’t abandon me like everyone else in the world- the old world- has. It is transformative to finally understand the work needed to free myself from this permanent cloud hanging ominously above me every time I think about what once was. It is over, and there is only what is and will be. I can mourn this, but there is always work to be done. If it’s just 1% of the population who is with me… that’s still a lot of people. I just need to find them, and I can do that.