For thursday’s sentencing the us government indicated they would be happy with a 40-50 prison sentence, and in the list of reasons they cite there’s this gem:
- Bankman-Fried’s effective altruism and own statements about risk suggest he would be likely to commit another fraud if he determined it had high enough “expected value”. They point to Caroline Ellison’s testimony in which she said that Bankman-Fried had expressed to her that he would “be happy to flip a coin, if it came up tails and the world was destroyed, as long as if it came up heads the world would be like more than twice as good”. They also point to Bankman-Fried’s “own ‘calculations’” described in his sentencing memo, in which he says his life now has negative expected value. “Such a calculus will inevitably lead him to trying again,” they write.
Turns out making it a point of pride that you have the morality of an anime villain does not endear you to prosecutors, who knew.
Bonus: SBF’s lawyers’ list of assertions for asking for a shorter sentence includes this hilarious bit reasoning:
They argue that Bankman-Fried would not reoffend, for reasons including that “he would sooner suffer than bring disrepute to any philanthropic movement.”
Holy FUCKING shit this cannot be real. No. He could not have written this.
My estimation of SBF as a wretch just fuckin plummeted.
‘Come out against the woke agenda’
I’m reminded of the person on twitter who went ‘Wonder when his sex crimes come out’ after Russell Brand rebranded as a conspiracy rightwinger. Note: This tweet was made before his sex crimes came out.
Notably missing: grabbing a couple of millions and run of to a non extradition country.
He is so sure he can get out on top that running away doesn’t even hit his brainstorm top 19 list. He doesn’t write the list on paper and burn it later, because for it to backfire he would need to fail.
Insane confidence man.
Might have been trying to avoid creating a situation where his lawyers are legally obligated to go against him, which I believe they would be if they knew he was planning on running. Though I could be wrong.
That would show a level of foresight we’ve never really seen from him, but ultimately no one knows.
ah, it’s always fun when
the quiet part out loud CONFIDENTIAL.docxleaks. this sub-mediocre rich little jackass really did convince himself all he needed to do was control the narrative and flood Twitter with nonsense and he’d come out of this an unscathed alt-right grifter. what’s fucking amazing is that he still tried a bunch of these tactics (specifically #15 and a lot of the ones throwing shade on the bankruptcy team) even though the prosecution had this document the entire timethe sentencing is in five and a half hours and i can’t wait for SBF to try to get up and just explain one more time
if my real-life friends were cooler, I’d have already arranged a watch party, drinking game, and post-sentencing celebratory cocktails
fuck it, we’re doing cocktails
The SBF
Here’s my cocktail suggestion:
50 Shades (Sam Bankman) Fried:
Ingredients:
Equipment:
Steps:
(Do not actually make this)
ah yes the diabetes potion (bulk of density difference in drinkable things is due to differing sugar content)
I am having an iced coffee with oat milk — a café oat lait, if you will.
breakfast of sneers
oh damn, I should watch
e: reuters has a stream up
The fucking comments on the live chat, lol.
what skill set. WHAT SKILL SET
@sc_griffith @mii he got rich, therefore he must be good at whatever he was doing. Please pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
probably the same kind muskies see in 'ole felon
Ha, 2 hours later, comments are disabled.
lol it’s just a camera on the front of the building
yeah, realized afterwards that it’s probably the feed for press meet when they leave, as iirc US court doesn’t allow video or something
live tweet thread from innercitypress https://twitter.com/innercitypress/status/1773340043744010640
whacky to hear some of the comments dropped offhand by the door dudes tho
Hey I think some of these are pretty good ideas
https://archive.org/details/2917616.0001.001.umich.edu/page/3/mode/1up
These clowns are so fucking incompetent at being evil geniuses that they need a document outlining their Evil Plan™ and not once think how that might be a stupid idea.
at this point, multiple people involved in crypto have been famously caught with a
crimes.txtfile on their unencrypted desktop, in signal chats named some shit like financial crimes and real gamers clubhouse where they talk about the crimes and Fortnite they’re doing, or with toilet phones protected by ziplock bags with crime burner phone (with evidence of my crimes) written on the bag with a sharpieI suddenly feel like Hackerman because my PGP-encrypted file with Steam backup tokens is infinitely better secured than some crypto bro’s detailed confession of crimes that could land them jail for 50 years.
I wonder how much of this is hubris from the cryptocurrency assholes consistently trying to confuse the public into associating their horseshit with general cryptography (especially with the crypto abbreviation for both) and in the process gaslighting themselves into thinking they’re cryptography and computer security experts
This is why my
crimes.txtfile just contains the recipes that I really should not try making, like Jake Morgendorffer’s chile con cheesepuffs with fresh mint, and my actual crime plans are in… oh ho, I see what you did there, you clever jack-a-napes!