In my case it’s because often even the slightest bit of humor or attention or willingness to play along with the bit gets me way more unwanted attention than I bargained for. If I respond like a person wanting to have a little fun with another person and it gets me treated like a thing they can now win and possess, the genuine human interaction has been tainted by the implication that it wasn’t genuine, there was always a motive and, because I played along, I’m now not a person to be interacted with, I’m a thing to be owned. I’d rather just not do the thing if that’s one of the possible outcomes. And yeah, that’s why I tend to not go out anymore.
I see you’ve met the guy who thinks that being horny and talking to a hot lady equals the lady being attracted to him…
Sorry for your burden. I wish men were less like that
After I got a little older and past that weird age when it reverses and women are in the highest peak of their sexuality and men are half way out the door, I really started to hate these interactions. I feel like now I understood how every pretty girl felt about me when I bothered them. Not in a horrible creepy way, don’t worry I give up super easily. I always take no for an answer.
You are taking a high five for WAAAAAAY more than what it is. I’m just high fiving people left and right, celebrating having a night out.
Nobody is trying to “win” you, or own you, or get one over on you. By the time I’ve high fived you, I’ve already high fived you…and then I’m high fiving the next person. Without further context, I’m not sure what you mean by you getting more attention than you want, or how that happens. I’m high fiving about 8 people in about 3 seconds, and then running to the next group. Within about 10 seconds the interaction is over, so I’m highly confused by what you’re talking about.
But she has no way to know that, and a lifetime of evidence to suggest that your attitude isn’t the universal male perspective. Since she doesn’t know you personally, the risk outweighs whatever benefit she gets from the high five.
I think I know what the user means. Trust me (yeah sure random internet person), you have no idea how often the most innocuous stuff gets used as an opening, a justification to keep bothering someone. Some guy asks for the time? Suddenly he also wants to know your name and do you want to have a drink? Some guy asks where x building is? Oh well, have you lived here long? I’m new here, maybe we could get together? Or it’s “does this tram go to x station?” and then, fuck, you’re stuck in a moving tram without an easy escape and the guy keeps asking why he can’t have your phone number, even though you already said no and then you lied about having a boyfriend, but still he won’t give up. Playing along with someone, being nice, trying to help them with innocuous stuff, 8 out of 10 times it doesn’t end there at all.
Before I get a bunch of downvotes: No, it’s not every guy. We know it’s not every guy. But most of us don’t want to sit through 6 creeps just on the off-chance of meeting a nice person. It’s just not worth it. And yes, it’s always guys who do this. I’ve never had a woman following me after giving her directions. I’ve never had a woman keep pushing me after I said no (and I’m sure they exist, crappy women exist, but usually I feel perfectly safe responding to women - so sue me, confirmation bias).
Edit: Just to respond to your specific situation. I think I might have given you the high five if you’d been at it for a little bit and I’d seen you do it to everyone else and not acting like a creep. The fact that it’s a bar scene and a social environment makes it all a little easier, imo. Most of my examples, real experiences btw, always happen in non-social scenes, like when going to work, or while doing groceries, etc. So in your case, I probably would have. But just to point out: it wasn’t about you personally, basically a bunch of creeps ruined it for you.
In my case it’s because often even the slightest bit of humor or attention or willingness to play along with the bit gets me way more unwanted attention than I bargained for. If I respond like a person wanting to have a little fun with another person and it gets me treated like a thing they can now win and possess, the genuine human interaction has been tainted by the implication that it wasn’t genuine, there was always a motive and, because I played along, I’m now not a person to be interacted with, I’m a thing to be owned. I’d rather just not do the thing if that’s one of the possible outcomes. And yeah, that’s why I tend to not go out anymore.
I see you’ve met the guy who thinks that being horny and talking to a hot lady equals the lady being attracted to him… Sorry for your burden. I wish men were less like that
After I got a little older and past that weird age when it reverses and women are in the highest peak of their sexuality and men are half way out the door, I really started to hate these interactions. I feel like now I understood how every pretty girl felt about me when I bothered them. Not in a horrible creepy way, don’t worry I give up super easily. I always take no for an answer.
You are taking a high five for WAAAAAAY more than what it is. I’m just high fiving people left and right, celebrating having a night out.
Nobody is trying to “win” you, or own you, or get one over on you. By the time I’ve high fived you, I’ve already high fived you…and then I’m high fiving the next person. Without further context, I’m not sure what you mean by you getting more attention than you want, or how that happens. I’m high fiving about 8 people in about 3 seconds, and then running to the next group. Within about 10 seconds the interaction is over, so I’m highly confused by what you’re talking about.
But she has no way to know that, and a lifetime of evidence to suggest that your attitude isn’t the universal male perspective. Since she doesn’t know you personally, the risk outweighs whatever benefit she gets from the high five.
I think I know what the user means. Trust me (yeah sure random internet person), you have no idea how often the most innocuous stuff gets used as an opening, a justification to keep bothering someone. Some guy asks for the time? Suddenly he also wants to know your name and do you want to have a drink? Some guy asks where x building is? Oh well, have you lived here long? I’m new here, maybe we could get together? Or it’s “does this tram go to x station?” and then, fuck, you’re stuck in a moving tram without an easy escape and the guy keeps asking why he can’t have your phone number, even though you already said no and then you lied about having a boyfriend, but still he won’t give up. Playing along with someone, being nice, trying to help them with innocuous stuff, 8 out of 10 times it doesn’t end there at all.
Before I get a bunch of downvotes: No, it’s not every guy. We know it’s not every guy. But most of us don’t want to sit through 6 creeps just on the off-chance of meeting a nice person. It’s just not worth it. And yes, it’s always guys who do this. I’ve never had a woman following me after giving her directions. I’ve never had a woman keep pushing me after I said no (and I’m sure they exist, crappy women exist, but usually I feel perfectly safe responding to women - so sue me, confirmation bias).
Edit: Just to respond to your specific situation. I think I might have given you the high five if you’d been at it for a little bit and I’d seen you do it to everyone else and not acting like a creep. The fact that it’s a bar scene and a social environment makes it all a little easier, imo. Most of my examples, real experiences btw, always happen in non-social scenes, like when going to work, or while doing groceries, etc. So in your case, I probably would have. But just to point out: it wasn’t about you personally, basically a bunch of creeps ruined it for you.