I promise a lot of men want this.

I’m okay with this as long as the attitude is loving and not demeaning. But I’d probably need her to be okay with it being a level playing field, and her being fine with me leading when I feel I need to.

I was once in a relationship with a woman who didn’t know how to hand off the reigns. It was tiring. But I’d love to date someone who is confident enough to switch roles whenever each other needs to.

In a word, fuckyeah.

Yes pls.

Uh, yes, definitely. A lot of guys would like this.

Already taken, sorry. She makes the money, I make the food.

Yes and it sounds pretty good to me, although I’d draw the line at pegging 🫠

Yes. There would certainly be some friction points, but I’d much rather take care of my home and family instead of working.

Hey!

Follow-up question for anybody who might stumble upon it:

What are your thoughts on women doing the proposing? Would you mind it, personally?

Sure. At least I don’t think I will be salty about having the inferior wage.
Dunno about the protection part though. I would personally hope that even the weaker partner would shield me from bad things as well as the strong partner.

I’m actually in a similar relationship, though not due to design or will, just life and happenstance.

My so has a great job with good schedule and it’s her “soul” job, not sure what the word is in English but maybe you understand.

I’m, on the other hand, struggling with finding a career I could sustain. I have ADHD so it’s kinda tough, but we make it work perfectly.

Nowadays I study an engineering degree, so I’m home keeping the place neat and cooking for her and all that, and she provides the funds for all kinds of fun activities and all the rest you know, food and such included. I don’t mind, though at first my toxic masculinity kind of fought against that and I had a period of feeling bad about it. But we talk a lot and are good with it, so we went through it and it’s been nice since.

But I can imagine it’s hard for a man without prior experience of such a situation, to acclimate. But I think everyone can acclimate to it and get used to it. Just need to have very good communication to get through the first rough couple of months.

Yeah, I would definitely be down with that. The only thing I really want out of a relationship is snuggles because sleeping alone feels so… empty.

Only minor note is that I’ve been in relationships before where, for reasons beyond my control, I was unable to make an income. It doesn’t matter to me whether I’m the “breadwinner”, but not being able to financially support my other at all was horrible. I don’t know if that’s universal for guys but I would imagine mostly yes.

Sometimes, this is the case with my wife and I. We have kind of a fluid relationship. Each of us have things going on in our lives and one of us sometimes can’t contribute to the household as much as the other.

When my wife was in college, I worked a shitload and was the bread winner. Now I’m in college and not working much at all and she is the breadwinner. Our marriage is hardly ever a 50/50, but we both understand this and I’m confident it’s one of the main reasons we are so great together.

Those are good behaviors regardless of whether they are considered masculine or feminine. In my mind femininity is inclusive of the strong beauty archetype. A highly capable person can be both a great leader and a great follower depending on the context.

Absolutely. My partner and I have traded those roles more than once.

To an extent this is my marriage. My wife and I both own our own companies. Mine is much more established and therefore offers me some leeway on my in office time (I’m an accountant). This means I often spend more time taking care of our children. I also cook, make grocery store trips, clean (to an extent), etc. She still helps around the house which isn’t ad much as it used to be. But I see her working her ass off so I don’t complain.

As for protecting me…no. I’m a pretty large dude. 6’3" 250. So unfortunately when things go bump in the night ya boi gets to go investigate.

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Personally, I think you’re really close to the answer but with an important distinction. The great filter is an hyper aggressive species that does not want to deal with a potential cold war with a different species with technology as advanced as their own. They already launched their doomsday armageddon weapon at us after detecting our existence, probably from something like our farthest satille, Voyager 1.

It could take generations for the bomb heading to our sun or stealth asteroid heading directly for us to actually connect. But it’s arguably in their best interest not to even chance us becoming militarily on par with them.

Statistically there is alien life out there somewhere, and whichever one got to interplanetary weapons first would have everything to lose by allowing an equal to exist.

My question for you is, why do you want a female perspective on this? Idk, doesn’t seem like something that gender would effect.

I’ve always felt like a lot of the assumptions in Fermi’s Great Filter feels off. Like, the way we talk about “intelligent life” feels iffy, both in astrophysics and other fields. I’m not great at articulating this, but if you’re one for video essays, Dr Fatima Abdurrahman recently made a video that captured much of what I’d struggled to say on this. (https://youtu.be/_tw0aqmnmaw)

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You mean like what if species at a certain level of development start fucking around with zero point energy and trigger false vacuum decay?

Actually it’s entirely possible it’s already happened. There are lots of galaxies so far away their light will never reach us if it’s emitted now, and vacuum decay travels at the speed of light AFAIK

Nonbinary btw

I too thought I invented The Button

I’ve always been told the best thing to do is stick to complimenting things that are their choices.

Not great: That outfit makes you look good!

It’s you coming off as being interested in their physical appearance, not the outfit.

Better: That’s an awesome T-shirt! Where did you find that?

It’s you thinking they picked out something cool or stylish and you like their taste in outfits. You’re putting the attention on something they did, not anything about them appearance-wise.

Especially if they don’t know you, odds are they have no desire to hear a stranger’s opinion on their looks. That’s too personal. But a stranger agreeing with their decision on something like buying something cool generally isn’t.

Of course, some people are more or less open to any conversation with someone they don’t know, so if you still get ignored or get looked at like a creep, you don’t know their background and you respect that and don’t persist.

A good rule to go by is if you’re a guy, think of a guy coming up to you and saying the same thing or you saying what you’re going to say to another guy. If you wouldn’t tell another bro that he looks good wearing that, maybe don’t do that to a girl. If you see a guy wearing a band shirt of a group you like though, you’d probably be ok saying “whoa, I love that band too!” or you’d be cool with some random dude telling you the same.

You shouldn’t be afraid to talk to people, but you should always be respectful and keep in mind how well you know them and keep conversation at that level of appropriateness.

Not really, to be honest. Unless it’s an event or venue where there is that expectation. Most of us just want to go about our business in general. I would say the first reason is just wanting to be left alone to do what we planned to do at any given time. Secondly, people don’t always take no for an answer. At best, it’s just another bother. At worst, it can be potentially scary. Hope this helps.

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Not without another reason to be talking to her. If she’s charging with you on the bus for a minute, go for it. But if she’s walking past you on the street, keep it to yourself

The other person who you replied to makes good points - it’s always going to be context dependent and it drives me mad when I’m out and about and have so many signals projecting “leave me alone” (such as wearing headphones, being on the phone, studying etc.) and a guy hits on me.

However, if someone is generally approachable, I’ve found that the best compliments are on something the person has consciously chosen about their appearance. So stuff like graphic t-shirts (especially band t shirts), hair styles (I love people with dyed hair because this presents to me an easy option for compliments).

I love compliments! So long as it’s not an attempt to start a conversation, if you think I’m pretty say so! But please don’t expect me to say anything besides “thank you” and keep walking.

The only time I would rather a guy didn’t is if I am forced to stay in the area. If we are in a elevator or waiting room, don’t make it awkward because I’m absolutely not gonna reciprocate or set up a date with someone I don’t know.

Friday i told the teller at the bank when asked if there was anything else she could do i told her to tell her coworker(who was on the phone behind her) that she was a jerk because her shirt(blouse?) made me want lemonade (white shirt with a repeating lemon print, wasnt sure what it was and took me a bit of looking at it to figure out what it was, but had the time while the teller was processing my deposit)

Of course both of the bank people know my first name as ive been there before and i used the person’s name.

I maybe would have said something like that without having met them before, but it would really depend on the scenario and environment. Likely i would have said nothing if there wasnt enough time to explain if it wasnt received well, which isnt always the case in public.

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Yes, this is true.

Lost is a bit strong, it goes exploring and is politely but firmly removed by the kegal Captains.

I’ve heard these referred to as “exiting through the gift shop”

Bubblegum forest

This cracked me up

Eyup

As the less conventionally attractive woman, there’s a few different things that could happen. Option A: you can’t, she knows she’s not as pretty and has always known she’s not as pretty and will feel bad about being the one who doesn’t get hit on no matter what.

Option B: her and her friend are there to have fun on a girls night out and not to be hit on so she’s actually happy that she’s not the one being bothered. (Assuming this is In a social situation like a bar or a concert where going up to a woman and speaking to them because you are interested is socially acceptable)

Option C: The “less attractive” friend is presenting that way intentionally and is there for scary dog privilege and will back you down and make you go away because neither of them is interested in being bothered. (More likely in scenarios where it was socially unacceptable to go speak to the pretty girl in the first place, but not uncommon in social settings if the pretty girl is tired of being hit on and asks their friend to play bouncer)

• Part of the reason I don’t go out as much anymore is because I got asked to play scary dog privilege more often than not and it just kind of doesn’t feel good knowing that you’re only there to be a repellent to men.

-The humble perspective of the 5’10" but will still wear 5-in heals, 250 lb muscular woman who knows what way to twist a head to sever the vertebral artery. 🫠

Maybe you have unusually nice pecs.

Ha I cup my man’s pecs because they’re there. I believe it may be the same reason men like to honk ours. Honk

*Pecs, unless you’re referring to a traditional measure of pickled peppers.

As a bisexual: it’s the same reason I’d want to touch a partner’s boobs: because chest sexy

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Maybe they’re bi? Maybe they think guys like it too? I feel the same way about women who go after nipples. That does literally nothing for me.

I’m a lesbian and my partner is also partially disabled. She manages her conditions but as far as we know, it’s as good as it will get. (I have chronic issues too but I am typically mobile.)

We like to game together. We watch movies together. She also games with her friends and I go out and do other more physically demanding activities with my own friends. We like to discover new food and talk about politics.

We found that our sense of humor and morality aligns well and we enjoy each other’s company. That and the fact that she was independent drew me to her.

Good luck out there.

I’m a woman and this is pretty close to my entire life. After suffering a dog attack I can’t really walk anymore and it’s a struggle to do a lot of basic household tasks. I too was also pretty skeptical I would ever find a relationship, but it’s been over two years with my girlfriend and she is wonderfully supportive. We divide up house work based around what I can do and is always checking in if I’m feeling up to doing something.

All I’m saying is you can’t give up hope. Women exist who are okay with our situations, you’ll find her sooner or later. :)

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I truly hope you find someone mate.

Not a woman but I’m still gonna give you the only advice I can: never ever give up as that is the only option that has a guaranteed outcome. If you are as awesome in person as you seem, I’m both rooting for you and a believer in your future.

You might be able to meet someone in a MMORPG. If not the escapism of creating a character and exploring a new world could be appealing.

I met my partner online a few years ago. He is 40’s but similar situation to you. Don’t give up.

What have you tried? I think with therapy to come to peace and love yourself through it and then a really honest dating profile there’s lots of hope.

I refuse to believe this is a real comment, nice bait

Freemasons also don’t let atheists in. Was a hard pass from me at that point. I’m not faking belief in some deist creator god just to join in their weird rituals and bridge clubs.

To tell the truth, it’s a complex question, like “why are there no female Christian priests”. Christianity is a wide thing, with lots of subdivisions. So is freemasonry.

Why no woman ? There are historical reasons: a founding text (Anderson’s Constitution) states that to be a Freemason, you have to be a free man. There are also old initiation rituals (a bit like a Masonic baptism) where the person is bare-chested. For traditionalists, this forever excludes women. This is particularly the case in the Anglo-Saxon world. Traditinnalists also often exclude atheists, LGBTQIA+ people, etc.

But worldwide, there are also progressive lodges, mixed or even feminine (which accept male visitors, but do not initiate men). I live in Europe, and in my loge we are about 10 men and 20 women. Lots of us are social workers, teachers, nurses or public servants. Lots of us are atheists or agnostics. Some of us are gay, lesbian or bi.

About what we do, one more time: it depends. The main idea is to have philosophical questionings, based on ritual and symbolism (A bit like a religious person who uses a holy text to nourish their philosophical reflections). All lodges also have charities, because the aim of Freemasonry is to improve oneself in the hope of making the world a better place.

But some progressive lodges (like mine) go further and are places for reflection on society, in a place where everyone can share their point of view without being cut off (this is an absolute rule) and without judgment.

In these lodges, all kinds of issues of social progress are discussed, including feminist issues. But also topics like the defense of democracy, the right to a dignified end of life, the impact of AI on the job market, ecology, the rise of the far right, and so on.

In men’s lodges (I sometimes go as a visitor), even the progressive ones, there’s very little talk of women in my experience. Except at communal meals, where you can hear the same mysogynistic remarks as in any all-male group (ewww, imho)

No idea about the Freemasons but we do talk about you on the alternate lemmy.world server port… oh wait I wasn’t supposed to mention that.

Everything I’ve read about the Freemasons has been clearly written by people who hate freemasons, I mean… I don’t keep going past the obvious tell, but I’ve been inside looking out on a my own strange outsider culture so, I just can’t take haters at face value. As far as I can tell. It’s a club.

This is probably more of an individual’s question than a gender-based question. I would support the transition, but I’d be lying to myself if I said I’d want to be with a trans guy. I am vanilla-ass hetero.

I would become friend. But I could not stay in a relationship with my partner. I am heterosexual, so dating a man wouldn’t work for me.

Friend, if possible. My relationship preference is for women, so, I don’t see it working out.

I think it depends on the relationship. Personally, I married the person, not her genitalia. I like those too but I want the person to be with me until the day we die, far far in the future.

As a trans masculine non-binary person it’s more of personal conversation. My partner isn’t into masculine body types so my transition ended up being purely social because my partner does more on a daily basis to contribute to my happiness then the comfort of being in a body that doesn’t make me feel like shit daily. It’s a bit like having a pet allergy but deciding that you can live with feeling like someone poured sand into your sinuses every day rather than giving up your furry best friend. For all purposes though our relationship is coded and treated as though I am my specified gender. We are effectively culturally a same sex couple. Neither of us use female terms for my junk and he doesn’t claim to be straight. We do joke he is “queer by association” however.

But what I am doing counts as a full transition.

In regards to the what you give up situation it’s all rather dependant on how adverse you are and whether someone in your relationship is able to give a little and how much you value and ultimately how non-fungible the relationship is to you… Because - just putting it out there - strap-ons do exist.

I mean…I Guess my wife would have to get used to getting banged in the ass.

So I guess if be to down for it?

It wouldn’t be a problem. I’m bi, and when I’m in love, it’s not a question of gender expression or body.

Good question, and highly dependent. I think for the most part I’d move to being friends.

I’m bi.

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Your G-spot and anterior fornix butt up against your rectum, so basically it’s like your G-spot in reverse.

Idk it just hurts for me though. A little touching the external parts is cool, but penetration is painful.

There’s lots of nerves there. Gotta relax and it’s different but can be good. It’s definitely a collaborative effort.

Women have skene glands which develop from the same cells as the male prostate.

Analog: How can you feel pleasure from someone sucking on your finger for instance?

My biggest sexual organ is my brain and when my body is used to get someone else off, I, too get off on it. It feels so so so so good to take dick in the ass (especially if they hit my prostate, but that part is not necessary).

The only people that have ever high fived me are assholes that put all their strength into it. Then my hand burns in pain for the next 30 minutes. I don’t want more abuse from another drunk asshole .

In my case it’s because often even the slightest bit of humor or attention or willingness to play along with the bit gets me way more unwanted attention than I bargained for. If I respond like a person wanting to have a little fun with another person and it gets me treated like a thing they can now win and possess, the genuine human interaction has been tainted by the implication that it wasn’t genuine, there was always a motive and, because I played along, I’m now not a person to be interacted with, I’m a thing to be owned. I’d rather just not do the thing if that’s one of the possible outcomes. And yeah, that’s why I tend to not go out anymore.

I don’t want to interact with drunk people kthx.

They’re unpredictable, potentially aggressive, and I just want to avoid the entire situation.

Never been high five rejected by a guy

And you also never met me (I am a guy too).
My response to unexpected fist bumps, high fives and handshakes is basically a silent “Huh?” before I figure out how to respond. Awkward 4 seconds. Oh, and I also likely forgot what I was thinking of and won’t have a peace of mind until I remember it to finish the thought, but that has nothing to do with actually doing a high-five or not.

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Lots of men, especially drunk ones, have sweaty palms

Nonbinary btw

Oh, so it was you who walked past me last week downtown and was trying to get me to high-five you while shouting “HEY” at me repeatedly while I was trying to unlock my bicycle.

I’m a no touching person, and no amount of drunk will stop me from being a no touching person.

Because idc what you are feeling, I don’t want to touch a random drunk guy. Sorry, not sorry.

Yeah, it’s just secure and comfortable.

Balls aren’t directly sexual, but holding onto them can be like rubbing your eyes, just kind of non-specifically pleasant.

I can not answer why, but I’ve been told I do it too.

And wake up holding my junk a lot of the time.

A lot of the times it’s definitely to reposition balls.

So sometimes not because it’s comfortable per se (and it is), but because doing it avoids possible discomfort, I guess.

Also, morning wood. What’s that about? What’s the benefit of getting an erection when we wake up? O.o

I think it’s common, but not universal. I sleep on my side hugging a 2nd pillow. That’s the most comfortable for me. When I wake up in a weird position, it’s on my back with arms splayed out like a gunshot victim.

It’s comfortable. If it’s winter it’s also warm to keep your hands close to your body.

In the rare occasion I wear something to bed, I’ve never done this. If I’ve done it in my sleep, I don’t recall waking up that way or anyone ever commenting on it. My wife will sometimes sit with her hand in her pants on the sofa, kinda like Al Bundy.

If you have a guy in your life that you are intimate with, try it out. Hang out on the couch cuddled up to him and give the boys a hand cuddle. You can also do him a favor and check for lumps while you are there.

Using your belt/waistband is a comfortable and good way of stopping your arms dangling and flopping around while you relax/sleep.

I’ve never even heard of this before. My hands are typically near my head/shoulders when I wake up.